therewasneverlove

Blurry visions and a damp keyboard

2011-02-01T21:15:00.003+08:00

It's been almost a year and yet,
this dark abyss within does not disappear
they say time heals all
but in the darkness
i welcome loneliness
in the image of you

Try as i might to deny
fill this emptiness
the crushing void remains
dragging along with it
this tormented soul

For every smile you see
every laughter you hear
constructs of fallacious intent
to maintain this tough exterior
when the bolts holding it
have but waned and decayed

They say when a person turns your life over
this person saves you from the terrible end awaiting
yet in cheating life
irony begets
life cheats you
into further despair

In existing to prove
to become someone of equal caliber
i've come so far
yet
i'm still so far away from you

Who i am today
belongs entirely to you
but yet you who shaped
is now a distance away

Guess I was foolish
pursuing to fill this hole you've created
this hole that eats me up inside
destruction within this
seemingly tough exterior
built upon lies

I'm no longer sure,
whether you feel the same way as i towards you.
I'm no longer sure,
of myself this one person whose existence belong to you
I'm no longer sure
of what i'm doing

Yet amidst this bleak uncertainty
I do know, my heart still belongs to you.

I'm pretty much still the same guy you first met
a little bit more intelligent
a little bit more mature
a little bit more sorrowful

Your heart is like a labyrinth
I cannot fathom
lost at every twist and turn
and yet this amazing being of yours
tore down the walls
made the hurt disappear.

I guess i still love you
even though i complain about how prissy you've become
I still love you
I want to meet the girl beneath once again

I know asking of this is impossible
but i guess trying never hurt.
Would you leave him?
for this wretched soul you have saved
This soul who so deeply loves you.

Maybe love is not a word good enough
its been so long
three years to be exact
and yet i cannot imagine a life
without you in it.

Pants, I really really love you.
But i can't bring myself to tell you
for you are happy now
and doing so would crush your romance
this romance that pains me.

I guess i'm a liar through and through

The daily circus

2010-11-23T23:22:00.003+08:00

For every time the lion roars
the inner demon awakes
violence begets violence
hatred spirals like tea in a cauldron

Tamed is the lion
yet the whip of the ringmaster
holds no true power
the power is only an illusion
an illusion of violence

Why do we raise our voices?
Like whip and roar
whosoever remains loudest
whosoever remains standing last

wins this power struggle
between lion and ringmaster

Enclaves

2010-11-15T21:02:00.002+08:00

You know how people are segregated, made to feel like a minority because of a certain difference within them? Made to bear the brunt of a society that is unable to accept these differences, Skin Colour, Race, Religion, Ideology, Gender, Sexual preferences etc. Wars break out because of disagreements between nations over political disputes left unsolved. Yet in the little enclaves of society, polarisation is still rampant.

In growing up in a religion centered family, the child unknowingly buys into their beliefs be it Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Mormonism, Hinduism etc. They grow up buying into the belief that their parents upheld, where most probably their parents faith in religion originated from their respective parents and so on. In so doing, the proverb of "blind following the blind" becomes apparent where we become a by-product of our parents expectations.

Religion in itself is not wrong. If we were to see religion as a system in inculcating moral values, religion has done no wrong. If we were to see religion as a system in which people can believe in to pacify their fears and uncertainty, religion too has done no wrong. But when religion imposes their teachings onto a person disregarding their right to free speech, ability to think for themselves, the credibility of religion becomes questioned.

In insisting that ones religion remains superior and the only true religion, we undermine the fact that there are other religions out there, discrediting their existence. This view becomes a problem where people go around attempting to change individuals. Changing them, into the "proper" the "right" just because they strongly believe, firmly believe in their religion. This imposition is both morally wrong and extremely inhumane.

By imposing such values, despite consciously or not, these supposed missionaries (in the case of christianity) denies the recipients humanity, where they are seen as incapable of thinking for themselves. This alludes them to that of animal status where animals are commonly regarded as having the inability to think (hence the "undeniable" fact that men are superior) thought we know this is not true with animals such as dolphins and elephants.

Because i dont want to be a religion bashing asswipe
i've decided to not continue and do this.

Dear ___, stop imposing your religion on me. Stop living in your pre-conceived notion that your religion is superior and is the only one true religion. There are alternate theories, concepts, facts, that will crush your entire belief but in solely believing and living in ignorance, you not only slow your brain process as it becomes programmed to no longer question the "big questions", the "big answers", but rather it becomes accepted as an alternate inevitability.

What if i told you that i believe that mortals can transcend death and the only reason we cant is because we accept it as a inevitability.

You'll probably think im crazy because it is proven that the brain will expire. Isnt this theory pretty similar to any thing you believe in?

What if i told you i believe we willed ourselves into living and it is through this will that we come into existence and that with such will, we are meant to do great things.

Will you now call me crazy even though you have nothing to de-proof/prove this?

damn your enclaved mind

Religion and its thingjamatic

2010-10-26T17:32:00.002+08:00

In the opinion of after life and the whole tis for tat, it is strongly believed under the psychological psyche of most individuals that most are not afraid of death in itself. But rather, not existing.

Death: The end all of the body. (my definition)
Not existing: The complete annihilation of said matter. (my definition)

In non-existence, we loose our memories, our thoughts and in simple fact, to not exist (Without both the physical and the psychological). Aristotle believed that we humans willed ourselves into existence, that it is this will that creates the being, the soul and eventually thought processes. (Aristotle however remained a firm believer of god). It is this non-existence that people are afraid of and this fear that creates the notion of the after life as conveyed by most religion.

As such, we cling on the faith, firmly believing that the single entity of "faith" defined as an extreme believe (note the word extreme), ensures that we do not entirely "disappear" (not exist) but rather continue on in the afterlife. This belief satiates the hunger to know more about what happens next, before and even the slight nuances of coincidence which many belief to be fate. Faith in itself becomes a holistic answer to the end all and the be all. Who you were, who you are and ultimately submits your entire being to any said higher power.

With faith under religion, most recognized sectors teaches many to be a good person in life now and be rewarded after. But faith in itself bears an element of uncertainty and it is this uncertainty that mankind can not fully submit. We stop to question the concepts of after life, what goes on beyond the grave, the hows, the whys and believe in this uncertainty.

Religion in itself should serve as a guidance, an establishment to inculcate values and morals into individuals. So if we truly believe in the notion of divine justice, then we do good, we remain as the ordinary. Yet this ordinary ultimately bores, we live a monotonous life and ultimately not-living.

We cannot live in fear of some big "what if". Instead should thread amongst the middle lines, between the planes of right and wrong. Live life to the fullest, yet remain ultimately a good person (commonly accepted as law abiding, following society's expectations of being a person).

We should not fear non existence and or death, rather we should fear not living.
live as you want, distinguish between what is ok, and what isn't. And with that, thread between those lines to survive in the hierarchy of society and yet still ultimately live

2010-07-15T23:26:00.002+08:00

The music played with a calming frequency.
The speakers gently seeped the sound of ambient keyboards and light percussion,
Creating a seductive soundtrack to our midnight drive through curtains of blackness.
The windows were cold to the touch,
Reflecting the icy conditions in our immediate extremity.
Salt stains and fingerprints littered the glass,
And streaks of melting snow cascaded down its length.
The music pulsed louder, yet gentle,
Like the far away squeal of a pot of boiling water.
The skyline was glowing faintly with vague hints of an impending dawn.
The car raced along a painfully straight stretch of road,
And she hadn't so much as turned the steering wheel two degrees in the last twenty minutes
Nor had we spoken.

As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember, only our smiles 'cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.

[Spoken:]
"Why are you doing this?" she spoke as if not expecting a response.
Her voice penetrated the still air of our speechless drive,
So suddenly that my heart had jumped.
"I'm not doing anything," I said, but I didn't even believe that myself.
"This is what's best, for me, for you, for us," or maybe just for me I thought,
As a tear formed in the pit of her eye.
The music poured through the speakers and we were losing ourselves in the cadence.
She looked down momentarily and closed her eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink.
Then she was crying. Then she was shouting. Then I was shouting,
Now pouring confessions, having no answers, or solutions,
We barely even knew the questions.

As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember, only our smiles 'cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.

Don't put me underground, I was meant for a life somewhere else.
Please, love, give me the wheel, before both of our hearts you
Will steal tonight (will steal tonight).

As we were, so perfect, so happy.
Don't remember, only your smiles 'cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.

[Spoken:]
Our cracking voices became part of the music.
The car pressed on faster through the night. As our voices lowered,
The cadence again overtook the air.
Up ahead there was a curve approaching.
She made no indications of slowing.

Rise against - the approaching curve
Lyrics

Of all the picturesque paintings, a shawdow lurks

2010-07-11T15:00:00.004+08:00

Sitting, watching
The falling of white petals,
this one occasion of joy
where lovers profess
their love

The celestial piano begins
an intro to this ballad
this new beginning of Minerva
the end to her past

This fairytale ending
lo the fog machine breathes
this ending of aforesaid happily ever after
(deny forswear under oath)
as the priest begins

The ceremony ends,
applause, well wishes, hugs and kisses
as she walks back down the aisle
smiling in this occasion of joy
(alone, despair, this final ray of hope gone)

In this dressing room
Minerva smiles
that luscious, seductive, red lips of hers

oh doth she looks stunning
Her smile, of pure innocent joy
(destroys, corrupt, as i come crashing)

smiling to her past
as though a final goodbye
that past of dear Minerva
this perfect past of mine
.....

Beneath those red heels, the devils plotting

2010-07-07T15:24:00.005+08:00

Oh yes we fall down on our knees
but do we really?

The absolute control they feel
and the scoffs and snickers they've had
at the power they have
is it reality?

Who has the last laugh we question?
or are we just as foolish and ignorant
are we weak and soft
because beauty is but a vice

we are all superficial creatures no doubt
and so are they

because under these heels, polishing
and then coloring what we want
absconding with bits and pieces of
what may-be soul

for all these twists and turns
and false cycle of illusionary power
who eventually gains
who eventually loses

segregation has no qualms
the line blurred
the upper-hand is no longer determined
by the surfacial

but by the twisted soul that resides within
which pleasures in the falling
the writhing and the demise
of the suffering

because only the master puppeteer
fully controls
the puppets puppetry

Enshroud this Tyranny

2010-07-05T22:26:00.002+08:00

All these absurdities
as time wanes
like how a lollipop
spirals

All around here darkness
darkness breathes this soul that is empty
the crushing waves of silence
maybe

Nihilism in this black oblivion
Crinkled pieces of paper
dissolving in this sea of
facades

Of the everyday
like a common brick in the wall
and the in-sinuous snicker
oft

This wall stands crumbling
that bench cold
and the painting
living

Damnation condemns thee to hell (or so they say)

2010-07-03T22:20:00.005+08:00

Maybe What she said was right
Maybe that paper folded were but ashes
Maybe that slit across the palm

Maybe its good to be evil
Maybe without Darkness there would be no light
Maybe beyond salvation

Maybe thy lips were sewn
Maybe when you sleep
Maybe Purgatory

Maybe the sign of damnation
Maybe the sandman comes
Maybe is nothing but purge

Maybe emptiness
Maybe to repossess
Maybe to scream through other ways

For thy lips were sewn
and when you sleep
they repossess

maybe therefore condemned

Probably Masochist

2010-05-29T22:13:00.002+08:00

Taken from Trick By Ellen Hopkins

A Poem by Ginger Cordell

Faces

I wear many faces
some way too old
to fit the girl glued
to the back of them.

I

keep my faces in a box,
stashed inside of me.
It's murky in there
overcast with feelings I

don't

allow anyone to see
Not that anyone cares
enough to go looking.
No one wants to

know

what bothers me. Too
hung up on their own
problems. Sometimes
I think i have to see

the real

Ginger, so i open
the box, search inside.
But no matter how hard
I look, I can't find

me

Rosemary Ballet

2010-05-18T23:16:00.007+08:00

Girl

1. a female child, from birth to full growth
2. a young immature woman, esp. formerly an unmarried one
3. a daughter: My wife and I have two girls.
4. Informal : Sometimes Offensive. a grown women, esp. when referred to familiarly: she's having the girls over for bridge next week.
5. girlfriend; sweetheart
6. often offensive. a female servant.
7. Usually offensive, a female employee
8. a female who is from or native to a given place: shes a Missouri girl

9. girls, (used with singular or plural verb)
a. a range of sizes from 7-14, for garments made for girls
b. a garment in this size range
c. the department of section of a store where these garments are sold.

www.dictionary.com

Of Aspirin and Clowns

2010-04-26T20:14:00.003+08:00

Guess I'm Crumbling.
Like the towering giants that once spoke words of wisdom and power.

Guess I'm falling
Deeper into that never ending darkness
Sinking

And the daily facades, the smiles,
I no longer understand,

Guess to Comprehend?
Joke much?

Guess beneath these criss- crossing lines
Dwells that has never been seen
Engulfed by the darkness

Gulf?
Yea right
Wars pretty much a joke

Nurse wake me up from this nightmare,
or am i already?

2010-03-23T22:36:00.002+08:00

Such major epicness !

"Here at lastchanceatmusic.com we try to stay away from MAINSTREAM junk, but we have a soft side for people who do things differently, so Lady GaGa, here's your 5 minutes of fame with us."

Hahahah freaking love this

Source

Bleed

2010-02-25T21:01:00.002+08:00

Scary Kids Scaring Kids - Watch me bleed

The silence keeps it easy
keeps you safe for the moment.
As you're walking away
your foot steps get louder.
All you needed was time
now time will destroy us.

It will all be over and here we are
we're stuck inside this salted earth together.
You'll pierce my lungs
my limbs go numb
as my colors fade out.

You watch me bleed.
You watch me bleed.

I gave you everything to die with a smile
all you wanted was to live for a while
you took everything but it left you empty
you can't replace me, you can't.

It's almost over and here we are
we're stuck inside this salted earth together.
You'll pierce my lungs
my limbs go numb
as my colors fade out.

You watch me bleed.
You watch me bleed.

It will all be over and here we are
we'll die inside this salted earth together.
You'll pierce my lungs
my limbs go numb
as my colors fade out.

You watch me bleed.
You watch me bleed.
You watch me bleed.
You watch me bleed.

Watch me bleed.

source

watch me bleed
void of emotions
to feel

Of cut up Hearts on a Lifeless Tree

2009-11-11T23:23:00.003+08:00

I'm doing this because spacey did this.

Anyway The Used is one of the best bands i have ever heard.
One of those bands where their songs takes you away into another place where you face and confront everything you once thought you knew.

One of the most emotional Albums i've ever heard where the music is all about the music, the emotions and everything that makes a person human.

So below would be my thoughts when i listen to the songs

In love and Death

Take It Away~ Kill all haters they are not worth the time

I Caught Fire~ First song i heard by the used. Perfect is impossible

Let it Bleed~ The emptiness that never heals

All that i've got~ Fairytales are bullshits where adults use to make the world look a better place.
The never ending Despair

Cut Up angels~ Like a Gun

Listening~ Lies around you, no one's listening

Yesterdays feelings~ Yesterday is never coming back, held on by threads of memories

Light with a sharpened edge~ Losing yourself, Its not me that buried wreckage my soul

Sound Effects and OverDramatics ~ Kill. Smile

Hard to Say~ Its Hard to say. No one is bullet proof

Lunacy Fringe~ Running on empty

I'm a Fake~ All the hidden you

Under Pressure ~ this was a cover so wasn't written by the used. But yea this song was awesome.

Sink deeper

2009-10-28T22:20:00.001+08:00

Briana made my day =D

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness. That is a friend who cares." (via eletheowl)

Ha =D

I have such good friends =D [ Even though we hardly see each other anymore :( ]

2009-10-24T01:35:00.001+08:00

Just fyi

blogger is giving me a lot of problems and i dont like the way in which the formatting and stuff is done.

So will blog but most of them will end up being drafts

2009-10-24T01:24:00.003+08:00

Ha went out with Wayne on monday (please note damn bloggers giving me crap so im retyping this...)

So we went to eat at Yuki Yaki and when you put two bullshitters together, you get a heck load of bullshit. Yep so i am certain we have outdone ourselves in the field of lameness

So presenting to you the one and only

Chocolate

Vanilla

Passion Fruit

Flavoured ice cream with

Chocolate chips and

Rainbow rice

Or i would like to call it, Your one way ticket to a lifetime supply of Diabetes

So people who are sadistic and at the same suicidal, look for us we'll give you your remedy to ending your horrible miserable life slowly and painfully.

Southpark rocks hard !

2009-10-04T16:24:00.005+08:00

Ha i love Eric Cartman

This is why

Episode Christian Rock Hard

Stan - Cartman : You dont even know anything about Christianity Cartman
Cartman - Stan : I know enough to exploit it .

(The above dialogue is from Southpark. Credits to Matt and Trey for creating such an awesome cartoon. )

Ha Cartman is so awesome !
and the best part is he exploited Christianity twice if i remember correctly.

In this episode and in the two parter 1.) Do the handicapped go to hell? 2.) Probably
Ha !!! HAHAHAHAHA !!

Check Southpark out GO NOW !

Picture Source

2009-09-29T23:28:00.001+08:00

I want shoes like that

The Used FTW

The Used On The Cross (Save Yourself Mix)

2009-09-27T14:46:00.007+08:00

I needed to pray.
Got down on my knees,
I asked for a break from sympathy.

It started off soft,
then it grew to a scream.
I doubted anyone was listening.

Forget what I said,
Ignore all the voices in my head.
Is that what it takes, what it takes to believe?
I'm keeping my eyes open to see.

So pray then, if it makes you feel safe.
And all I can say
Is we go our own way, we go our own way

So save us.

Drink from the cup,
and you shall receive,
Sipping my glass thats half full of empty.

I needed to hurt,
I needed to bleed,
I need to feel something happening.

I got on my knees,
To ask for a break from sympathy,
Is that what it takes, what it takes to believe?
I'm keeping my eyes open to see.

So pray then, if it makes you feel safe.
And all I can say (and all I can say)
Is we go our own way.

So pray then, if it makes you feel safe.
And all I can say (and all I can say)
Is we go our own way. we go our own way,

So save us.

Over and over and I still can not believe,
We can't save ourselves.
Give me a chance up on the cross and watch me bleed.
And I'll ask for help.

Having faith in something you can't see,
Takes something else.
Over and over and I still can not believe
We can't save ourselves.

So pray then, if it makes you feel safe.
And all I can say (and all I can say)
Is we go our own way.

So pray then, if it makes you feel safe.
And all I can say (and all I can say)
Is we go our own way.
Send your prayers our way,
To save us.

(Cant provide link for song, there's only 3000 copies worldwide. )
Link to Lyrics

This is why The Used is sooo god dang awesome
Their B-Sides are really good
The Used!! Come to Singapore !!!! I will so see you guys live !!

So pray then, if it makes you feel safe

all i can say

i'm going my own way

I doubted anyone was listening

from a whisper to a scream

the silence deafens me

going my own way

away from the lies

we were taught to believe

2009-09-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

This sucks blogger was working for me ytd k, you know what this really sucks

now i cant rant

i cant write

seriously i need to kill someone

We go our own way

2009-09-11T00:34:00.003+08:00

[Spoken:]
We kill the faggots, we kill the lesbians,
I said goddammit we kill them all!

We were taught to kneel and bow our heads.
I tried simply standing up instead.
Heard rumors of transparent legs
And walks for days and days.

These days we reach for so much more
We reached the point where we can't go home.
Alone we wait here underground
Amidst the others waiting

So pray, then, if it makes you feel safe.
But all I can is we go our own way.
We go our own way.
So save us.

Who would guess you were the chosen one?
The right place, you were the firstborn son.
Once questioned stable state of mind
To spend some time in the gutter.

A full collapse and caving in
Just wait for faith to kick in
I lost track of time as i stood in line
Amidst the other believers.

So pray then, if it makes you feel safe
All I can say is we go are own way
So pray then, if it makes you feel safe
All I can say is we go are own way
We go are own way
So save us

Over and over and I still can not believe
We can't save ourselves
Give me a chance up on the cross and watch me bleed.
Now ask for help

Having faith in something you can't see
Takes something else
Over and over and i still can not believe
We can save ourselves

So pray that if it makes you feel safe
All I can say is we go our own way
So pray then, if it makes you feel safe
All I can say is we go our own way
Send your prayers our way
To save us

[Spoken:] Kill 'em again cuz they didn't die hard enough

Source
Credits go to the web and The Used for making Such awesome songs

On the Cross

Of The Used and In Love and Death

2009-09-11T00:20:00.003+08:00

Ha saw this on a review !

totally screws spaceys view on how awesome the used is

When the Used's most recent album, In Love and Death, hit stores in September 2004, Fall Out Boy were just a bunch of kids from Chicago, My Chemical Romance were in their "Gerard-is-chubby" phase and Panic! at the Disco were still a Blink-182 cover band.

Source

Now isnt that sad! =P

and like Branden is definitely a better drummer than Dan Seriously man. Just take a look at their live performances

Dan is soo major rigid...

But still im just glad the used didnt dissolve and dissapear forever

The Used FTW

And My ears scorn at those of repetition

2009-08-20T19:31:00.001+08:00

Blogger still screwed but yea

The Used Artwork
They redefined their style and came out with the best album ever yet .
One of the best bands i ever heard with their own distinct style

Grab the album in stores Aug 31st!

I know im getting it Yes i am !

www.theused.net (apparently i cant hyperlink)

The Used ! Keep making great music !
Kudos!

What happened to good old definition of metal!?

2009-08-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

Yep blogger is screwed. My fonts are ginormous. and really ugly .

But im really annoyed

Why is Linkin Park and The Used classified as Metal!?!?

What!?! people please. Fuse tv hello !!!

Metal is Metallica Slipknot A7x but what?! Linkin Park , The Used no freaking way!

Kay im not really against metal but please like

people there are more genres out there..

and THE USED IS NOT METAL !!

Burning down the house

2009-08-11T19:53:00.000+08:00

K well apparently bloggey is having issues as i can see which is kind of lame... and weak ! but im just here cause im waiting for my bubble tea to arrive so i rook this quiz of spppppppppaaaaasee cause im really bored

So apparently im just suppose to put song title as answers lets do this !

1. Some days I just feel like:
On My Own

2. Right now I am thinking:
Blood On my Hands

3. My favorite type of day is:
the last sunrise

4. Nothing beats a good:
Taste Of Ink

5. When stuff confuses me, i say:
Under Pressure

6. My view on sex is summed up with this word/phrase..:
Kill The Lights

7. My next girlfriend will be:
Pandora

8. I hope my last words are:
Goodbye we're falling fast

9. Facebook quizzes like this are dumb. I’d rather:
Slit your own throat

10. At my funeral, they’d better be listening to:
Hymn for the dead (spacey will scream if i copied helena which i wouldnt mind either)

12. Some days I just want to scream out:
Choke Me

13. I love to eat, especially when the food tastes like:
November

14. I’m not racist, I just like to:
Speak of the devil

15. Lots of these made no sense, but that’s because:
Confusion and frustration in modern times

16. My music knows me best, that’s why it knows that all I want for Christmas is:
Company For the Lonely

17. When I laugh a lot of people say I sound like:
The Ripper

18. My feelings on gay marriage are summed up in this word/phrase:
From heads unworthy

19. If that last one made no sense to you, then I just have this to say to you:
The road to hell is paved with good intentions

20. My last thought after this little quiz thing is this:
Broken English =D

K the artists of the songs mentions are

The Used : On My Own, Blood On My Hands, Taste Of Ink, Under Pressure, Slit your Own throat, The Ripper, Choke Me
The Birthday Massacre: Kill The Lights
Rise Against:From Heads unworthy, Broken English
In Fear and Faith: The road to hell is paved with good intentions
The Drama Club: Novemeber, Company For the Lonely
Aiden: The last Sunrise, Goodbye we're falling fast
Sum 41:Speak of the devil, Confusion and Frustration in modern times
Anti Flag: Hymn For the Dead
Madina Lake: Pandora

The major long overr over due pictures

2009-07-16T22:53:00.005+08:00

Nicole i uploaded the pics finally!

Everyone take note of the BIG NAME ON THE BOTTOM LEFT OF EVERY PIC

I swear spacey is going to say something that will make me want to kill her

Briana would also say somthing that will cause me to call her Banana or something

The rest enjoy =D

Of stardom and broken dreams

2009-07-08T23:01:00.003+08:00

In this big mansion she sits
with chandeliers brightly lit
staring into
the mirror ahead,
not recognizing who she sees

Outside the moon fades
lost amongst a million faces
strangely familliar
yet unfamilliar
in many ways

The lights shines in
remaining in a dream
why does no one wake her up?
Lost, in a image sewn
by ambitions of this lost girl

In her sedan she sits, thinking
with candles flickering
where is that girl of once yonder past
she has been, consumed by lust

that perfect smile seen
how long has that lie been?
tears trickle down
tears
of a lost identity

and they say
if i were her
would i not be the
happiest person in
the world

Who is that she sees
staring quietly at her
that little girl with the bear
do i know her?

The girl behind the mirror
The girl in the sedan
The girl lost in a dream
Sewn by broken aspiratoins
that little girl with the teddy bear

who is that girl she sees?

lost in an image, in a dream

where there is no one around

to wake her up

BLOOD ON MY HANDS !

2009-07-06T09:47:00.004+08:00

OMG !!! blood on my hands by The used IS BLIMEY AWESOME !!

Their sound is going back to their first album apparently. It sounds heavier than in love and death and lies for the liars! FREAKING AWESOME !!

Youtube link to blood on my hands

I'm too lazy to upload the video so =D

Anyway !! The album is going to be available for preordering in 15 days !! AHHHH !!! OMG man!!
Awesome!!

feel the pain i never showed i hope you know its never healing ~~

A sad day for the world

2009-06-26T10:32:00.006+08:00

Michael Jackson, age 50 passed away yesterday.

the comeback the world couldn't wait to see, would not be coming.

King of pop is now no more.
A man who created pop history
today we all mourn for the death of this great man

images have been googled

past, present, tomorrow

2009-06-23T23:09:00.003+08:00

Hey!
so yesterday went out with wayne for dinner. We went to Yuki Yaki at marina square.
Its like 25.60!! oh but its a all you can eat buffet thingy so yes 25.60 seems ok.
Heh apparently after not going out for 1 month + i still managed to find the freaking outlet haha ! wayne was like making us walk in circles!

So anyway went there and we kept getting served by the same guy. and we were like worried whether refilling the soup would have extra cost and the convo was like this

Wayne: Refill the soup no extra cost right?

Guy: No (after a while) But the changing of the aluminium foil have! its 5 dollars per piece. (after another while) Just kidding.

Haha ! i know! it was really weird but at least the guy was nice and he had a sense of humour. So we were eating and apparently wayne doesnt eat seafood! like really seafood or beef. So in the end i ate like 6 cockles and 2 clams! =D Oh and I ate 4 salmon! grilled!! haha !

Than there was that ice cream machine thing whee you apparently make your own ice cream. They have some liquid thing for you to pour on the pan and it actually becomes ice cream. You have to scrape it off or something. Those who have eaten it should know what im talking about. Oh My green tea ice cream wasted like hecks load of time! The layer i made was too thin and we were like using all our strength to scrape the darn green thing off the pan.

So apparently adding 2 bucks + onto 22 something was for the ice cream. So i think we abused the price for the ice cream. So all in all wayne and i ate 9 cups of ice cream. yes 9!!

wayne's theory on ice cream

Chocolate flavour + Cappucino flavour = Latte flavoured ice cream

Yes i know its really retarded.

Behold the wonders of our creativity (Chocolate mouth eyes and cappucino face =D ) Our dear kash!

Apparently the singapore flyer after getting screwed up by the media (recall singapore flyer stuck case) well the tickets going at 10 bucks! yes 10 bucks! and thanks to the wonderful apple for inventing the god forsaken i-phone we decided to rush to the flyer to like board the last ride. =D 10.15 heh heh. oh did i mention we left marina square at 10? haha

Zipped to the flyer despite my ankle in 5 mins =D i know im so awesome! and the guy at the ticketing counter was really nice

Him: Heh we're closing already but since i see you sweating like that i give you'll the last two tickets ba !

yes apparently we got the last two tickets until some random women appeared behind us and begged for two tickets ! Yes so if she wasn't present the last two tickets is ours. I still remember the guy telling him i'm sorry we're closed. HAHAHAHAHA!

Half way to our business class flight

and apparently parents think the same way! and no offense but it seems their vocabulary is about the same too! =D
Cause like both of us got a msg. Mine was from my mum wayne's was from his dad and it was like EXACTLY THE SAME! except my mum sent two messages

Yes the message went like this
Where r u now?
Why so late?

HAHA and im serious! the R and the U are both the same too k!
So reached home today morning 12 a.m =D

Yes i know this post is not all saddening and stuff

2009-06-14T19:36:00.001+08:00

this is damn freaky!

spacey just said this on msn

: poke the line XD

FREAKING SOUND LIKE BRIANA RIGHT?!?! except briana will go like

poke the hole or something =P

Shrieks!

2009-06-07T21:42:00.005+08:00

I have a new love!!!

The Used!!! & The Birthday Massacre!!
AWESOME BANDS!!

Presenting THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE
Current members, Chibi (vocals), Rainbow(guitar), Falcore(guitar), O.E(Bass), Rhim(Drums), O-en(Keyboard)

AND THE USED!!!
Current members Bert(vocals), Jeph(Bass), Dan(Drums), Quinn(guitar)

Bert looks so freaking awesome here

*Note i googled all the photos =D *

Waiting for the Used new album to be released July 2009 entitled ARTWORK!!
AHHH!!

and of lollipops too

2009-06-02T14:45:00.003+08:00

Ripped from Spazzy

Basics:

Name: Jonathan Ho

Date of Birth: 26th July YAY SUELYNN!!

Birthplace: sadly singapore

Current Location: Even more depressing Singapore

Eye Color: Not sure

Hair Color: NOt sure either

Height: Not sure too!!

Heritage: I refuse to be a chinese

Piercings: 38461784678461784

Tattoos: 5673726378461

Favourite: Band/Singer: The Used BERT MCCRACKEN IS AWESOME !!!

Song: I caught fire!! The used

Movie: Princess diaries

Disney Movie: Disney's recess!

TV show: Heroes season 3

Color: Black is not a colour

Food: Something exotic

Pizza topping: Pizza is sex

Ice-Cream Flavor: Ice cream is yum

Drink (alcoholic): Some punch

Soda: Mountain dew

Store: Singapore is so limited

Clothing Brand: none

Shoe Brand: nope

Season: Singapore has only summer and summer AND SUMMER !

Month: jan feb march april may june july aug sep oct nov dec are all the same

Holiday/Festival: gave up on christmas two years ago

Flower: i give them to people =(

Make-Up Item: Freaking eyeliner!! i miss you

Board game: Something at those cafe

This or That

Sunny or rainy: Rain (but not now)

Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE!

Fruit or veggie: Fruits

Night or day: night

Sour or sweet: Sweet

Love or money: d'uh

Phone or in person: no preference

Looks or personality: d'uh

Coffee or tea: Tea TEA TEA !!!!

Hot or cold: Ice blended!

Your Goal for this year: As always

Most missed memory: dont want to remember

Best physical feature: heh

First thought waking up: Press snooze and go back to bed

Hypothetical personality disorder: schizo

Preferred type of plastic surgery: 0.0

Sesame street alter ego: I always like the dustbin guy

Fairytale alter ego: Not fairy tale but show. SYLAR !!

Most stupid remark: cant remember

Worst crime: heh

Greatest ambition: heh

Greatest fear: heh

Darkest secret: heh

Favorite subject: heh

Strangest received gift: too many

Worst habit: too bad

Do You:

Smoke: o

Drink: o

Curse: Like a gvian =D

Shower daily: yea

Like thunderstorms: No thunder

Dance in the rain: Loves

Sing: Like a cow

Play an instrument: few

Get along with your parents: Dont care

Wish on stars: Which one? We have mooopy tooly jellio.....

Believe in fate: HA !

Believe in love at first sight: heh

Can You:

Drive: Yea at the arcade

Sew: NO man i suck at knots and strings

Cook: Yea better than spazzys greenish egg *note: spazzys egg was green as there was some slime she cooked on it*

Speak another language: English!

Dance: heh

Sing: LIKE A COW!

Touch your nose with your tongue: too short

Whistle: yea

Curl your tongue: yea

Have You Ever:

Been Drunk: I have control

Been Stoned/High: Too many times

Eaten Sushi: Yea

Been in Love: yea

Skipped school: HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAH!!!

Made prank calls: *hello!!!!=DDDDD*

Sent someone a love letter: I got a few =D

Stolen something: rofl

Cried yourself to sleep: Like briana always do

Other Questions:

What annoys you most in a person? EXTREMITIES !!

Are you right or left handed? leftie ! go eat a goat

What is your bedtime? Southpark

Name three things you can't live without: Phone, Mp3 Wallet

What is the color of your room? Blue

Do you have any siblings? ......

Do you have any pets? LOOPY AND OINK JR AND GHOSTY AND PINK BEAR AND MR BEAN BEAR AND SAMMY

Would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars? If i dont get murdered or hunted down like some animal ABSOLUTELY

What is you middle name? English

What are you nicknames? too many

Are you for or against gay marriage? never thought of it

What are your thoughts on abortion? lollipops

Do you have a crush on anyone? currently no

Are you afraid of the dark? La

How do you want to die? Deee

What is the largest amount of popsicles that you have eaten on one day? 6

Would you take a bullet for the one you love? Singapore doesn't allow guns!

What is the last law you've broken? heh =D

In a Member of the Opposite Sex:

Hair color: nothing retarded

Eye color: nothing retarded

Height: nothing retarded

Weight: nothing retarded

Most important physical feature: nothing retarded

Sweets and candies

2009-06-02T14:20:00.005+08:00

Robbed this from spacey

Real name: Jonathan Ho

Nickname: Too many to list out

Star Siqn: Leo, Rawr!

Male or Female: Male

Primary Schl: Coral primary

Secondary Schl: Greenview Sec

JC/poly: Meridian JC

Hair colour: Nice

Hair Long or Short: wants long hair

Loud or quiet: quiet

Sweat or jeans: my old black skinnies

Phone or camera: Phone duh!

Health Freak: hmmmmm

Drink or smoke: heh

Do you have a crush on someone: currently no

Piercing: 937289461784638

Tattoo: 1297846785637816

Been in airplane: Yea

Been in R/S: the person who created this should stop with the short form!

Been in car accident: nope

Been in a first fiqht: too many

First piercing: 47189461782678156876148 years ago

First bestf: HA JOHN!! HAHAHAHAH !! JOHN NG!!!! HAHAHAAH !

First award: The worlds biggest asshole award *awarded by wayne chia*

First crush: kindergarten =D

First vacation: Somewhere

Last person you talked to: urm some random person i totally dont know

Last person you texted: Rachel!

Last person(s) you watch movie with: Loopy!!

Last food you eat: Chicken rice *grammar my dear creator grammar*

Last movie you watch: Southpark The movie Longer Bigger Uncut

Last song you listen to: The used taste of ink

Last thing you bought: Food

Last person you hugged: Ami or Jas! lol cant rmb =(

Favourite Drink: Something exotic !

Favourite food: Something exotic ! *no bugs please*

Clothing: Those i look sexy in

LKH.Song: Like i said ! no short forms

Flowers: Gives =(

Colours: Black is not a colour

Movie: Princess diaries *yes i know right*

Phrase: shrugs

Subjects: heh

Kissed in snow: yea right snow.

Celebrated Halloween: Drama!!!

Have yr heart been broken before: ahhhhh

Went over a min on yr cell phone: oh yes with too many people

Someone questioned yr sexual orientation: Yea stupid ma =(

Came out of the closet: Too huge, closet will break

Gotten pregnant: o.o

Had an abortion: 0.0

Done smth you have regretted: yea

Broke a promise: yea duh!

Hide a secret: yea a lot

Pretendinq to be happy: heh

Meet someone who have chanqed yr life: Too many

Pretended t be sick: Countless

Left the country: yea

Tried smth that you normally wouldent try/like it: Yes i did! and i liked it! =D

Ran a mile: Think so

Went t th beach w yr bestfriend: YA!!!

Stay single th whole yr: yep

Eating: i just realise the creator subbed g with q how awesome i've been changing the spelling =P

Drinkinq:<<<<<>

I'm abt t ton: ya ton at my own house

Listeninq to: SEE THE Q!!?!?!

Plans for tmrw: study *i picked this up from a mugger toad i know =DDDDD winks winks*

Waitinq for: HAHAHAH SEE THE Q AGAIN!!

Want Kids: Spacey says never =D

Want t qet married: LOOK AT THE FREAKING Q !!!

Careers in mind: HIGHLY paid slacker with a basic of 10,000 a week =D

Lips or eyes: hmmmmm

Shorter or taller: heh no preference

Romantic or spontaneous: bounce

Nice stomach or nice arms: Abs =D

Sensitive or loud: shhhhhhhh

Hook up or R/S: Short form my dear creator short form

Trouble maker or hesistant: ha depends on who see what

Lost glasses or contact lenses: NEVER!!!

Ran away from home: a few

Hold a gun or knife for self defense: KINFE!! GUN!!! LASER !!! ROCKET LAUNCHER!!! WOOOSH!

Killed somebody: yea! Mr ant! and Mrs Spider

Been arrested: *winks*

Cried whn someone died: uh duh!

Do you believe in yrself: five golden rings !! 4 golden bird three french hens two turtle doves and a portrait of a pear tree!!!!

Do you believe in miracles: Nope

Do you believe in love at first siqht: LOOK AT THE Q!!!!! *GUFFAWS!!!*

Do you believe in heaven: heh

Do you believe in santa claus: Santa never brought me presents SCREW YOU SANTA !

Do you believe sex in first date: Eh i wouldnt mind =D

Do you believe kiss in first date: Lmao

Is thr one person t be w you here riqht nw: i totally dontk now what this question wants me to answer

Are you seriously happy w whr you are in life: My life is a cup of coffee

2009-05-18T22:41:00.002+08:00

The used zipped off sleeve hoodie!

I want this so badly =(((((

www.theused.net check out the other hoodie!

Our horses vomit blood hoodie

But still i think this is nicer! i so must get this once im back

2009-05-09T14:18:00.002+08:00

She had a dream last night where
the ghost of her past came
haunting
the times of her life
just another nightmare
all over again

The skies were never so blue
the grass never really
breathing
all that would be left of
would be the remnants
of those statues
1999

She couldn't breathe
the ever flowing amount of people
the whispers not the stares
Tearing
Like an absorbent sponge
to be held down
once again

The lights of san francisco
the notions of yesterday
failing thrust into frozen
capitailsed icicles
dark as winter

She saw her dad last night
for one more time
fading
into the shadows of
uneven plantations
never again
once more

The lines began to swirl
the thread of hope
dissapearing
turn away from the light
the light at the end of the tunnel
the clock ticking

She needed air
the lights of forever yesterday
ticking
her wings earthbound
unto memories of
the present

The sunset once more
the final sunrise
till darkness invades
the final midnight
gone

Haunting, Breathing, Tearing, Failing

Fading, Dissapearing, Ticking,

Gone~

2009-05-07T19:45:00.002+08:00

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I lost my dad when i was 11
I should have been beside him
but i was not

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I took the loss hardest
6 years has passed by
everyone got over it
except me

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
6 years I dissapear
Consumed into darkness
The impending darkness

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I love the carpark
I find solitude and peace there
My heart is in a mess
not twisted I assure

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I lost too many people
and im going to loose more
the world is naught but cruel

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I prayed to god asking for a miracle
those that belonged in a childs mind
I asked for some company
or some assurance
Nothing

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I have a step father and a step sister
I feel no connection
No matter how nice they can be
I feel
nothing

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I used to love going to church
But now I don't get the point anymore
I go there to find peace
And everytime i call
The phone rings endlessly

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I am empty
I am cold
6 years
on going

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I grew up too fast
Never enjoyed much of anything
that smile you see in those pictures
what smiles?

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
In my darkest hour I asked
No one replied
I lived two years with a lie
a lie so that my family
would be at peace

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
today again I asked
today again I saw nothing
I got through everything by myself
but in the times when my body refuses
again i see
a whole lot of desolation

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I have been charging ahead for something
something in which I do no know

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
Their life is perfect
mine is not
thank you me

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I feel empty
Like a worm eats through an apple
the hole you see
multiplied

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I am a sad soul
My parents are happy
My siblings are happy
Me I am
Neutral

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I am?
I never knew

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
god enjoys his humour
I was made this way
I did not go astray
God you have your laugh
I'll entertain

My name is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I dont know what to believe in anymore
Maybe everything was made up
I dont know
Made up to console to answer the
Unanswered questions

My name Is Jonathan
I am 17 this year
I hate my life
Do you?
(but no matter what you still made me smile)
and you still do

-Desolation, Destruction, Derailment, Depravation

Condemned

Memories of today

2009-04-06T17:54:00.003+08:00

Out the window
houses
the once familiar road
now unfamiliar

the bus stop seen
the place that triggers
the memories of what happiness
now sad
floods into the heart

if time could standstill
would it not standstill
at the place
where content brimmed

Everything distant
so close yet so far
memories of yesterday
haunting thoughts of today

the once familiar route
gone to the back of the head
and weariness came
for gloom overwhelmed

the sun
shining it seems
but pass that route of once pleasant memories
the spotlight shone
on the single spot
unto a soul
nature unkind

shadows of the past
afeared
shadows of today
overwhelmed
thrust into oblivion
the heart once
thumped

is it hard to believe
a spot where laughter were heard
a spot where smiles were seen
would be the same spot
that destroys

long to walk along
the route of once pleasant memories
the route where grass unkempt
the route where time stood still
no more

-for i miss you terribly so-

somewhere away from here

2009-03-19T21:54:00.006+08:00

One more day it seems,
another day into the mundane,
where nothing is made
and the screams surround

Alone on an island,
where bridges built,
onto foundations of
nothing but
crumbling statues

the strings are breaking
the world thus drifting
shrunk into a shell
isolated amongst

pictures faded
images blurred
dissapearing
into that known as
memories

closer they wanted
further it seems
closer they wanted
closer it became

bleak it was
the smiles gone
fading into that blackhole
one never to die
anymore

thrust into madness

of what seemed

seemingly ordinary

Enshackled

2009-03-07T11:08:00.004+08:00

Is this all it seems,
of all the mundane stuff,
of all the nonsense,

laying,
breathing,
barely,

of what is stated,
for now are below average,
nothing extraordinary
only below average.

for she was sleepless,
for six years,
emotionless,
for all has been lost

turning to the ghost of her nightmares
to breath once again
in that mundane past
where everything seem all
damn right

promises of a better tomorrow
is it ever coming,
to see the sun rise above the clouds
and to see dusk fall,
the moonlit once more

for these eyes
have seen lost
lost into what oblivion
the treacherous now
imprisoned

because it hurts

to see you

hurt

Blow the candles out

2009-02-16T20:03:00.002+08:00

Blow the candles out
And listen to the whisperings
The murmurings
The silent tear drops

What have you done?
Is this what we want?
For the tears to continually shed
And disappear into a labyrinth of emptiness

Stir the cup
The petals fall
All that remains
Is the screams of the oppressed

She cried
Tearing
For what is no longer
No longer hers

The fear lingering
Like a thick shroud
of unwavering memories
ones that lingered happy
only to know they’d remain memories

The power lines went out
And she was all alone
Engulfed by the darkness was she
She who had only memories left
Memories of those she held dear
Those that made her smile
Those that were no longer there

She wanted to
Scream and Shout
For them to come back
For them to hear her once more
For them to shower her with love
For them to know she loved them

She never knew how to express
She thought she did
But all She ever did
Was cause hurt and misery
Without her knowledge

They took the pain
Without a single word
Suffering in silence were they
But in silent content
Clinging onto the hope that
One day
One day
Everything will be better

But that day never came
Not until it was too late
Not until the fading
Begun

That day
Some day
Another day
The day
Never came
For everything was too late

Clutching onto what was memories
Memories she didn’t want to lose
Memories she knew
Money could not buy
Memories in which
She once felt whole

Slide open the windows
Look down into oblivion
Nothing mattered anymore
Everything was bleak
And all she knew was that
Leaving this dreadful place
Where emptiness triumphed
Would make her happy
Whole

She closed her eyes
A gush of wind hit
A silent thud
Smiling

- Jonathan Ho

Blow the candles out

and scream

a loud coherent sigh

2009-02-08T18:49:00.003+08:00

The world is screwed

Drought in China
Blazing temperatures in Melbourne
Blizzard in London

War,
poverty,
famines,
instability,
corrupted officials,
riots,
messed up politics,
seven hundred billion bill out,
twenty point five billions scheme,
retrenchment,
6 dollar per day,
thefts,
murders,
homicides,

can you finally feel the cold?
and thus the candle flickers and dies..

The storybook i would love to be trapped in

2009-01-09T22:37:00.003+08:00

Image url

Alright i have done a book review on this book before and it is still one of my favourites.
Ever thought of dying?
What happens after you pass on?
This book is one of those books which makes you feel at peace with yourself while reading.
About this book.

Basically the story begins with the main characther dying! Yes dying ! Liz age 15 died in a hit and run accident and she arrives on elsewhere where everything is backwards. You do not grow old, people in elsewhere grow young. Elsewhere is in our view what we call heaven, the great beyond and so on. So in elsewhere, Liz meets her deceased grandma and found her love. Eventually she becomes a baby again and is reborned back onto earth.

Some compliments on this book

"One of the best books i have read in years"
-SUNDAY HERALD

and my favourite compliment

" SO convincing you find yourself wanting to read the book backwatds when you've finished"
-SUNDAY TELEGAPH

Now why would i love to be trapped in this book.

This book made me feel that dying might not be so bad. And how it is to live after death. The question why would be a very simple answer actually.

In the story Liz met up with her deceased granma and not long later her dog. I would love to be Liz so i can meet up with my dad again. Liz had a good fifteen years on earth with her parents and all.

What i would want mostly, would be to spend more time with my Dad.
Getting trapped as Liz in this book would make it happen. I haven't seen him in 5 years, its been really long and i really want to see him again. Spend a day with him. Learn the things he promised to teach me and just knowing that he is fine.

Another reason would be that living in elsewhere would be splendid. Elsewhere is a place where there are no sorrows, no wars, no famines. Everyday goes by peacefully. Do you see that happening now? Elsewhere would be my gateway to peace.

If i were lets say Liz or any other characthers in the book. My worry of losing my memory when i've passed on would not be of issue anymore. Liz's memory was intact and so were the rest of those living in elsewhere.

Going to the observatory deck to know my family is fine would definitely be a daily business when i'm in the book. Writing letters through "a letter in a bottle" would also be done. Except for diving down into the if im right the sea, I doubt i'd go to that extent.

CATCH INKHEART IN CINEMAS 22nd JANUARY 2009

2009-01-08T22:58:00.003+08:00

Why put bullshit here?
Why let people know about your life?

When there are people out there who needs the attention the care
When there are people living in slums
When there are the homeless
When there are the destroyed the discared the used

those who shed a tear
those who need a bowl of rice
those who need a hand

Why giggle?
when your smile can be shared

look at them
can you see their sadness behind that ever smiling face
the smile which shows they are contented with what they have
even though what they have
is nothing to what we have

look at us
the frowns
what we have

what are we
to complain
who gave us the right
to insult
to manipulate
to run away
to frame
to despise
to slither
to skewer
to impart

can you hear their pleas
can you hear their cries

for someone to care

can you hear the cry for
PEACE
what is a family without
PEACE

insanity
we tolerate
peace
something we hope for
failure
not tolerated
success
on others people demise

what are we
what are we
what are we

who gave us the rights
to be different
to be superior

i tear for the world
the world
where peace is a
foreign object
a object revered
something
alien

and i tear for the world

for gaia

for her

who needs peace

-J Ho

I feel empty

2008-12-19T21:44:00.003+08:00

I suddenly miss my friends
I suddenly miss the times we spent together

I miss the Drama gang
I miss the 2e2 clique

Everyone has dissapeared
Everyone's memory fogged

I miss the good old days
where we go to the beach just to find peace

I miss the crazy whacked days
where drama was the only family i ever felt i belong

I miss the days where wayne and i would just go around
annoying each other and insulting everyone we see

I miss the days where we just sit and chill
and waste time popping around to annoy people

I miss the days where we sit together and study
where there were no speeches but the bond was there

I miss the days where drama ruled my life
where i got sick of drama
how i wish i could get sick of it more

I miss the days where we broke the rules
the drama gang
no rules no boundaries

I miss our bastard campaigning
I miss our poker days
I miss drama

I miss the days where we go chill at lan
go there to have some fun

I miss the days we went to gym
to work out and eat subway

I miss the days where we go to central
where Drama dominated the steps
and made the word loiter meant

I miss the days where we went for lunch at central
the poa sundays
the days we go with a heart to improve

I miss the days of the crammed class
the class i didnt want to be in
the class where i grew

I miss my friends
all of them whom i know will stay
and al those whom i know will fade
I dont want to let them go

for all i have would be the memories
the memories that will link me
to those times
where i would call them
the good old days

I miss everyone

I miss the times I spent with all of you

I miss Drama

I miss the clique I hang out with

I miss my good friend wayne

I miss all of you

and i actualy miss the annoying Nabil

the one who annoys me

during class

class would never be the same

without him

2008-12-03T20:18:00.004+08:00

All right people !!

By now you'll should know that i've been working at Sitex 2008 Final It Fair at the singapore Expo !!!

(If you don't know you're a jerk ! )

All right this time I worked for a company called MC2. Thanks to wayne

( if i didn't put the thanks wayne would kill me )

Ok so Please note that nobody works and take photos at the same time! Unless you're a big fat moron who doesn't want the money

Ok I'm not a Newbie worker at the It fair except that its my first time working for this company!

So the Way they do sales is sooooooooo much easier and i mean like totally !

Anyway i can't remember which day it was either thursday or friday i was so completely messed up that i actually wrote the sales order form on the other company's booth! How splendid ! So yea someone came to chase me away How horrible is that !

Anyway the person who chased me away is Yi ling some random girl and than i found out she was made to chase me away. Gosh the people over there! Anyway she's really nice and she watches American Drama Whooo!!!

Ok back to It fair now. My boss said this to me I quote or rather i can't quote because he said it in chinese and me being anti chinese is not going to waste my time typed the han yu pin yin to put in the words one by one so this is a translated version

He said this

Why are all your customers weird weird one!

And boy do i agree! haha !

There was this group of people who asked me whether the laptop was sold in China im like Omg how the heck would i know I stay in singapore HELLO!!!

Ok anyway after killing my leg cells for 4 days on the last day,

Kevin Wayne Zadkiel and Me became completely high !

We went to celebrate at Subway and this was what happen!

Subway person :Hi welcome to subway what type of bread would you like!

Us: What kind of bread you have left?

Subway person said whatever there was and than we said this

Us: EH we paying in cash leh got any freebies not!!??

Subway person just laughed and said Yes i give you more veggie haha !!

That was funny !

Oh yes after working for 4 days the thing sort of went into my head i actually bumped into some random guy and i said Sorry sir OMG!!!! well im cured now ladeeedooo!

Ok Zadkiel introduced me to Ramly burger but it was just so so! the eggs nice the end =)

All right after subway we went home

and please children do not

i repeat do not TRY THIS AT HOME!

Technically you cant do that at home because you have to find the bicycle print first =)

By the way wayne's a bad boy now ! He dyed his hair gold !! Poor Greenview a President gone astray =)

A really randomful day

2008-11-21T21:41:00.005+08:00

Today was a random
really random
really random day!

So basically, wayne and I only planned to go to downtown east to eat Fish& Co. express for lunch!
And turns out, we did a whole heck of a lot more things there

Firstly
wayne and I debated over whether the cashier at fish & co express was from greenview secondary school

Next
After eating
I wanted to check the prices of escape for the guild outing thingy!
So we went !
While checking, a idea popped into our heads
so both of us applied for a job at escape theme park

Something really annoying annoyed wayne and I while walking back and fourth the whole Downtown
There was this random nebo guy who kept bugging us trying to give us flyers. He's details will be kept secret becaus what was annoying was his ______ and ___

After that
I decided to go disturb Jasmine at her work place, Lucky for her, we couldn't hunt her down

On a really random note
We went to play Bowling! yes Bowling and for once! FOR ONCE !
there was no waiting list.
Being the lamers we are, we chose the lamest background for the bowling score sheet.
OUR DEAREST FAIRY TALE THEME

Yes it looked like that ! how splendidful! (please note i completely suck at bowling, guess that showed you how bored we were.)

After bowling, we saw some random couple entering the D marquee thingy ! So we followed suit and we saw a free Rehersal of some upcoming performance Yes i know we are good!!!

So we were really getting bored and it was only 2 +
thus we toured the whole down town
and we found the location in which Bedok south secondary had their prom!

After nearly dying from boredom i proposed that we go annoy Bryon and Jordan at their work place
turns out Bryon was working a different shift from Jordan so we couldn't annoy him properly!
So the only one who got the poor torment from us was Jordan poor guy=(

Bryon docking off after a hard days work at Sheng Siong Super market.

Jordan stil working at the casheir counter at Sheng Siong super market

Jordan was really annoyed so he turned away and ignored us
haha !

Yes and with all those little things done
We wasted out time from 12-nearly 4 which just perfectly cures my boredom oh and waynes too !

2008-11-17T23:13:00.002+08:00

So he screamed
screamed
a sound
so sad
that the plants
withered and
die

No wonder
he doesn't believe
when he looks back and reads
or rather watch
the texts written
in blood
on the times
he has been let down

The smell of metal
that red goo
hardened
permanent
left
onto
that text

Where the numbers
scrawled beside the words
were never ending

ever watched those cartoons
where the kid has a uber long list for santa
Well that list is seen short
in the
red text

Maybe hes shouldn't expect
expect anything
because it always happens
and he should get use to it

they say
the third time is a charm
but did they ever hear
that
the third time
is a bane

thrice
it happened
thrice in a single day
how much
can this poor soul take
to believe
in nothing but
thin fibres
hanging
on
a thin line
of the word
faith

have faith in me
they say
but he doesn't know
anymore

maybe its better
to just
throw it all away
cast away
this
already
tattered
and torn
soul
into the sea
of nothingness

to be away
would be
better?

so he questioned

2008-11-16T21:13:00.002+08:00

The voices around me
will they just shut up
go away
leave me alone

I just want to be left alone

Maybe its the time
i do not know
but solitary existance made prolonged
might have a impact

I'm losing myself
in a sea of questions
never answered
so screw it
and buzz off

Nobody respects
the decisions i make
is everything i do wrong?
or was it just your biasedness
that made me
do what i do
today

I turned to the blade
the slick figure
small
yet deadly
like a cobra
only venomous

to ease this pain

Penicillin or none
it doesn't matter
it never works
this pain
what is it?

This word
that is etched into your head
can you get it out
because that word
does not apply for us

Don't butt in
when you shouldn't
Don't stay away
when you shouldn't

but you do
and i'm sad

Who am i
to believe in anymore
the people
with their masks
the people
who aren't
people

So scream i shall
but nobody hears this scream
the scream that is most frightening
the scream that
no one hears

We are troubled
but none of them knows
We are troubled
but we don't show it
not to you
to people
whom we cannot trust

are you empty?
cause i am
empty
are you all alone
cause i'm empty
i'm hollow

The smiles
are they lies
to put on just for show
they say you use 25 muscles when you smile
no wonder
its so difficult

I have issues
but its not your problem
you dont have to care
because the issues
came from you

You may have more sense than me
for all i care
your sense is clearly wasted
because from what i see
you're blinded

and the lion sleeps
inside
and when it wakes
i suggest you stay away
because
dinner would be ready
and the main course
would be
you
and
you

2008-11-15T20:21:00.007+08:00

The much awaited post is finally here !!
Below is a photo of the amount of pilot rexgrips is have used in the entire sec 4 year
It may not seem like a lot but trust my count them and you'll freak out !

Enjoy !!

Now this photo was taken on the last day of O's
Wayne and I went to Tampines Ikea for breakfast and lunch!
and being the usual lame ones !
we spotted some wooden figurines and know the photos you are about to see
are rater NC 16 and may not be suitable for people with childish minds

Enjoy!!

I call this the seducer !!

You may not be able to see it cause its real tiny but enlarge it man ! look at the wooden figurines legs!!!
I call this Caught red legged!

The next set of photos you are about to see is of a TV crew in GVSS, they were recording some show at our basketball court! These photos were taken during study break.

The actresses bags! please note that the main characters are girls

Such big shots! royal treatment can! They need the crew to help them hold the umbrella!

The camera crew Belongings!

Setting up!!

I dont know what this is!
wayne told me its a high up camera
I think its a microphone !

Eh this is damn style! they actually have that train track thingy for their camera like OMG!!

These blue people are the supporting actors! they are supposed to be some little kids playing basketball!
and please note that some of them are actually quite good!

The next photo you are about to see may be disturbing to some of you!
What you are about to see may shock you and make you faint!
This was taken before graduation ceremony that inbetween time slot

Now watch!

This is awesome! The guys who did it really meant it! yes this is what happens when people feel that the school isn't doing enough! that my dear readers is a burnt school uniform!

And finally prom night!
Prom night was only fun like after 9 +
maybe because i was half dead or something
I didn't had time to do my hair! i sort of went to far east before that and met my friends quite late
anyway these arent all the photos that was taken. I'm still waiting for dear stanley to come online to send me the photos in his camera

These photos consist of Muhaimin, Amirah and ME! and this is called upholding Drama!!

That idiot picked my up like i weighed like a feather serious!!
Muhaimin, Me and Amirah!!

Haha this is a real funny photo! Amirah and me were supposed to seduce the camera!
somehow her face got butchered off! haha !

Now this is the proper one!
Dam i love drama!!

I don't know Wth is that silver thingy in my mouth
No.1 I was not eating anything
No.2 I do not have lip piercing
No.3 I am not wearing lip gloss
No. 4 that is not my saliva
Therefore my only conclusion is that the silver thingy is the light reflection!

My Drama Bestie !!
Me, Amirah!

Dance floor!
Please note that the dance floor was really small!!

Dance floor again!

Don't ask

Please do not take this photo for granted
I rarely become a poser!
So yes this is my whole Prom outfit!
I am not a poser XD
I really can't believe i did that

I asked a thousand times (But will the answer ever come)

2008-11-10T16:56:00.004+08:00

Why is everyone trying to control,
What am i suppose to believe in,
I do not know

And i've asked a thousand times
For the answers which will fill me
Never a reply
or was i just deaf

Being held against his will
is there more to this
or is there none?

I questioned
sought
but still
i am without an
answer

And people think that they know
the Real Him
but who are they to say that
if He himself
does not know
what he is

People who walk down another path
is it a crime to not take a path
that makes sense?
because everyone who goes on to that path
are forced to come back
against their own will

And i've asked a thousand times
For the answers which will fill me
Never a reply
or was i just deaf

Why do i feel the sadness
in which people feel
Why do i see into them
and see the weariness
the sadness
the haterd
in them eyes

So i asked a thousand times
Over and Over again
but what am i doing
is it working at all?

Is all this a fallacy

Will someone answer me
because none of their answers
ever make sense
are we to believe in something
only by what we call faith

And again
i've asked a thousand times
For the answers which will fill me
Never a reply
or was i just deaf

again
over and over again
but never a reply
Not a reply
or was i just deaf
(deaf)
(deaf)

I tried to throw away
the life i left behind
but in the end
i walked back into it

If this is the life that i need
to be able to survive
in the once thought
square
planet

I'd rather not live it

Maybe it's time
that i left
away
to another place
somewhere
where i can find
peace

So
I asked a thousand times
For the answer which will fill me
Never a reply
or was i just deaf

For i leap
into the air
embraced by its arms
falling
free
into nothingness
never coming back
or was i just deaf

This is a production by me and anybody whosoever who wish to reproduce this copy or edit this is strictly forbidden to unless permission granted from the producer. Credit must be given when this work has been copied and so on.

2008-11-05T20:59:00.003+08:00

Ok i just went to watch this

Image url

Ok time to be critical !

Show was nice, song's were uh so so i guess. Well the plot wasn't really well done. High school musical 3 seems to concentrate more on the choreography and the songs. Ok they have really great dancers there like that urm don't know his real name "rocket man" is one great dancer.

Sigh I was hoping to see the prom scene which was stated on the board of that prom committee thingy. But no it didn't came out, unless you call Zac Efron and Vannessa Hudgens dancing in uh stanford?

Ok as usual Ashley Tisdale was awesome, except she plays a lousy Gwen stefanie is it? or was it Madonna? Ashley Tisdale is really amazing i mean i watched The suite life of Zack and cody and she played a poor school girl there. I can't belive it her acting is like totally awesome.

Ok i don't know the guy's real name. Ryan evans was great along with Chad.

Oh and high school musical 3 itself used a lot a lot a lot of animation. Like the sudden random basket ball flying in that was totally animation! They sort of used one of those performing arts stages, which is i don't know weird? Maybe it's for the sort of final performance thingy thing. But oh well!

One thing i liked about the show was more or less the random changes of costumes those were awesome man !

It's like pause, change. ACTION! Real awesome. High school musical one itself was more on the plot, not too much singing. I guess Hsm 3 sort of overdid it. I was sitting in the seat and i was like oh my god please don't tell me she's going to sing again, or i was god he's going to sing again.

Ok no offense. But when i saw the lead cheerleader i was like oh god! *shuts eye* But hey ! she changed my mind ! She can really dance man! Omg She is another one awesome choreographer. Movie was pretty long, about 2 hours +-.

So overall i would rate the show like 3/5

1. animation too much

2. songs and dancing abit too much

3. plot should link more fully

and that's about it !

oh yea

this is the show that Ashley Tisdale acted in

Image url

Because i dont know who you are anymore

2008-11-02T21:53:00.004+08:00

She shouted
in a place where voices
were pre recorded

because

She couldn't shout
in a place where voices
were spoken from lips

because

of you
the one who made her life miserable
where everything she did
was never enough
everythign she did for you
you couldn't see

because

you've changed
no longer the person
you were once
no longer the one
who taught the right values
and no longer the one
who followed what
you taught

because

you're blinded
by the one word
in which you missed
by the man
who came in

because

you were lonely
and she understood
what you needed
she closed one eye
and the horror began

because

you thought that everything
he did was right
and everything he did
was worth following

because

you were once the one
making the decisions
you needed a break
from making these decisions
and have your desires
fulfilled

because

you were lonely
and she knew
that;s why she kept silent
throughout
and no matter how she didn't want it to happen
she knew
her thoughts were nothing
compare to the majority
and that it was redundant

because

she knew
whatever she did
was never enough
whatever she did not do
was always seemed
as something
grave

because

you were stressed
she knew
but she wondered
does that give permission
to blame someone
for a crime
that she didn't commit
does that mean
that whatever you've taught
no longer has to be followed
and what happen to
living by example

because

she was innocent
you blamed her
and you started questioning
about the two words
known as family communication
she knew someone
known as ____
but that someone
is not you

because

you've started forgetting
how to communicate
and you didn't realised it
for you saw your age
as someone who wouldn't
make trivial mistakes
like forgetting
how to communicate
and when you made a mistake
instead of saying the word
in which you STRESS so much
to be heard from her
you just kept silent
or go with a word O
if not you go back to pointing out
what she blamed the innocent for
and that you were not in the wrong

because

SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO THE BLOODY HELL YOU ARE ANYMORE
SHE KNEW YOU FOR A VERY LONG TIME
AND THAT COMING FROM HER
MEANS YOU BETTER LOOK AT WHAT IS GOING ON

2008-11-01T16:13:00.002+08:00

I just read someone's blog
and now
im sad

I havent seen you in 5 years i really miss you.
I read elsewhere
and i cried
because it reminded me of you.

Will you be at the observation deck, looking down here
looking at the words that are being typed onto the screen now.

Things have changed a lot
Everyone's changed
nobody's the same anymore

I'm sorry
for all the times i shouted
for all the times i made you feel inferior
for all the times i took you for granted.

I miss your cooking
I miss your silence
I miss your rough hands
I miss making leaflets with you
I miss going down to the park
just to talk to you
I miss going swimming with you
I miss watching you play computer games

Everyday i walk to school from the bus stop
There would be this Dad and his son
the dad would walk his son all the way to the school gate before going to work
I dont know who the son is
But i do know
his dad loves him very much

You did that too
you waited with me for the school bus every single day
and sometimes you would wait for me to come home
but i didn't appreciate
didn't care

I wish i could get into your head
and knew what you were thinking
because the times i spent with you
were really short

I rememeber you took me fishing once
your favourite activity
and we carried the fish all the way home
only the two of us

I'm older now
but
I wish i could go fishing with you again
I wish i could watch television with you again
or even go down to the park
just to talk

You tried your best in connecting
but i was the one who wasn't connecting

Why did you smoke?
could you tell me why?
even though you did it secretly
and i didn't find out until it was too late
Why had you do it ?

I regret now
never praying for you
maybe its because of me
that you left
because i didn't do anything
but just sit at the sidelines
and look

I miss your lame jokes
they were lame
but they were funny
and sometimes i would take
ages to figure it out

I wish i could know how you feel
during the times when you needed to see me
talk to me most
i was never there

I wish i could feel the pain in you
because you were a strong man
and never showed the pain
behind your gritted teeth

I wish i could have spent more time with you
when you were too sick to go out
I wish i could have stayed once in a while
with you

I wish I wasn't so useless and pathetic
unable to do anything
but just look and stare
at you suffering

How are you doing?
where ever you are
can you listen to my thoughts
can you see into me
can you hear my screams

I don't know
but i hope you can.

and i wish i could be you for one day
so that i can appreciate you more
but now i guess
it is too late

time cannot be reversed
it can only go forward

I wished i didn't go to school on that day
I wished i went to the hospital with mum.
I wasn't beside you when you left
I wasn't there
I wish I was
to be with you on the day you left

Why did i make myself believe
that everything was going to be ok
the day you left
why did i go to school
one day wouldn't hurt
i wasn't there when you left
I wish i were

Now everytime i see
kids with their dads
Dads who work to support the family
Dads who walk their son to school
Dad's who are always the one
Who gets taken for granted

I would be reminded of you
and i would
tell myself that
that would be you
if you weren't sick

Everyone told me
to prepare for the worst
that you had to go
sooner or later

The signs told me
to prepare for the worst
that you had to go
sooner or later

But i didn't want to believe
I miss you a lot
Like there's a empty spot in my heart
which can never be healed
like i can never be whole
once more

I wish you were beside me now
but you aren't

Do you miss us?
the family
your sibilings
your mum
your friends

I hope you do

I dont wan't grans to go too
she's the only one
who makes me feel
that i am with you
and i know grans love me too

Screw me
why can't i communicate properly
why can't i learn the language properly
i want to tell her how much i love her
but i dont know how

Do notes in a bottle
get to where you are
because i would do it
To talk to you again

If you were still alive
do you think you had go to
my graduation ceremony
I would love to see you there

I hope you would talk to me sometimes
I dont want to forget you
I really miss you

Again

2008-10-27T16:41:00.004+08:00

Again nothing
Again someting
Again compounded
Again maginified
Again maligned
Again lies

Again nothing
Again from the trash
Again blown up
Again fessed up
Again the same old thing
Again always

Again bombarded
Again for nothing
Again faulted
Again for nothing
Again always
Again her
Again for nothing
Again for your
Again enjoyment

Again made up
Again to look like a victim
Again nothing
Again you're right
Again she's wrong

Again fantasies
Again where she need to go
Again to be blamed
Again for something
Again she didn't do

Again nothing
Again became something
Again blown up
Again multiplied
Again for bloody nothing

Again made to be silenced
Again to prevent
Again made to look like
Again everything

Again things that she did
Again were made to look like nothing
Again things that she didn't do
Again made to look like something

Again defeated
Again lost
Again for nothing
Again for nothing

Again she didn't do nothing
Again made to look like something
Again for your
Again enjoyment

Again she see's your laughter
Again behind that mask
Again your laugh
Again you saddistic shit

Again nothing
Again maligned
Again everything's her fault
Again blamed
Again for nothing

Again she would say
Again a pleasant word
Again for nothing
Again all over
Again

-Jonathan Ho

Again blamed

Again for nothing

Again maligned

Again for nothing

Again made to bear the consequences

Again for nothing

Again not able to explain

Again pissed

I know you didn't

2008-10-26T18:55:00.008+08:00

Do you see that kid?
Sitting in that corner?
The kid who was so afraid.

I know you don't.

Did you look into her eyes?
The eyes filled with
fear
hatred
loathe

I know you didn't

Did you talk to her?
listen to her problems?
because all she needed
was a listening ear

I know you didn't

Did you ever once
listen to her explanation for the things
she'd done wrong?

The reasons why
The logical explanation of it all?

I know you didn't

Did you ever not jump to conclusions
maligning the poor girl
of every single thing
in which she did not do

I know you didn't

Did you ever love her,
as much as you love
the one who came in

I know you didn't

Did you ever see her?
Crying,
Hating
Swearing

I know you didn't

Did you ever took a glance at her,
and let her know that
she existed

or did you just do it,
when you were bored
and needed someone's accompaniment

I know you do that all the time

Did you ever wondered
why she never strayed
over to the "dark side"?

I know you didn't

Or did you believe
that she was still a kid,
a kid who will always remain
7
ignorant,
innocent,
pure,

I know you still believed

Did you take time
to listen
to her sorrows,
the songs she listens to
and felt how she felt
about you

I know you didn't

Did you remained by her side
in her deepest darkest moments
where she sought
the blade,
the height,
the night lights,
to end it all
even when you were present,
and you could have stopped the tragedy
because you were present

I know you didn't

Did you see her as who she was
instead of her
as the image
in which you wanted to create
that perfect painting

I know you didn't

Did you ever understood?
Why she did the things
in which you found hatred in?

Did you ever thought
for a moment
that what she was doing
was to benefit you,
to help you
so that you wouldn't be
lonely
affected
annoyed
unhappy

I know you didn't

Did you realise
that she started hating
coming home
that this home
was now
a cold place
where she remained invisble
until you want to see her

Because i know you didn't

Did you ever sought help?
for yourself
for her
and the entire family
because she knew you did
when we were broken

but you didn't know
she knew

Did you ever wondered
why she only has one pair of jeans
a wardrobe
that was all black
a wardrobe that never changed for years

I know you didn't

Did you ever wondered why
everytime you ask to go out
for a family outing
she refused
and when she had no choice
there wasn't
a shining sun?

I know you didn't

Did you ever realise
how broken she was
how hurt she was
and how piercing
your words were

I know you didn't

Did you ever compliment
or was everything just
you can do better

and when her dumbness showed
you chose to magnify
compound
multiply
intensify
Did you feel how she felt?

I know you didn't

Did you realised why
she found her paradise
in a place known as
a book

I know you didn't

Did you ever realise why
she always wore black
why she could never smile properly

I know you didn't

Did you ever realise
that she was hiding
hiding everything
from you
away
to prevent
avoid

I know you didn't

Did you ever wondered why
the doors closed?
the musics loud?
and hear the screaming
behind it all

I know you didn't

Did you ever look into her soul
before she enclosed it
into a hard shell
never to be opened again

I know you didn't

Did you ever wondered why
she hated talking to you
or have you realised
that she was a human

I know you didn't

Did you ever look at her
upon as someone
who would accomplish
great things in the future
or was she another average
created by the likeness
of you?

I know you didn't

Did you ever look
behind it all
the walls
the barriers
the doors
(you gave up halfway)

I know you didn't

Did you ever wonder why
she took a liking
to becoming anti-social
becoming alone
becoming quiet

I know you didn't

Did you ever heard the word
Sorry
I'm certain plenty of times
from her
But did she ever hear it
coming from your mouth
even though
she was wrongly blamed
for the things she didn't do

I know you didn't

Did you ever waited
for her to come home
were you ever worried
about the pain
the dagger
sheathed into her
heart

I know you didn't

Did you ever tried listening
to her mind
the sentences
that she wanted to say
the stories
she wanted to tell

I know you didn't

Did you ever look her in the eye
and said
i love you
sincerely
and not because you done something wrong
after she was 8

I know you didn't

Did you ever wondered why
her memory was really good
were you ever worried
of what memories
she would be remembering
and what she wouldn't be

I know you didn't

Did you ever
took the time to realise
the ever summounting
hatred
sadness
coldness
she felt

I know you didn't

Did you ever listen properly
to every single sentence
she actually said to you
did you hear
the plead
the malice
the sadness
the anger

I know you didn't

Did you ever see the scars
inflicted onto her body
the injuries she took so much pain into hiding
so as not to trouble you

I know you didn't

Did you ever wondered why
she withdrew into herself
never to have a proper
chat
with you
again

I know you didn't

Did you ever wondered why
a good kid will stray
away from the proper path
away from the way where everything was right

I know you didn't

Did you ever wondered why
no matter how hard you tried
you couldn't reach
the cold girl
that was once named
sarah

-Jonathan Ho

I know you didn't

I know you don't

Alone in the darkest hour she was

Alone was her in this world

Alone was her where she'd endure the taunts

from those so called

Alone where she was

even though the place

was what it seemed to be

Alone in a place

where there will never be

Alone because she knew

she knew you didn't know

-Jonathan Ho

The original version of silenced

2008-10-24T12:38:00.003+08:00

The shadows lurked around,
the alley was unusually packed,
but the silence was compounding

The alley was filled with lies
empty promises
and hatred.

Rain came pouring down
but not a sound was heard
not a sound
not even the sound of the wind

Silent
a place with no sound
a place where the voices of all
were taken away

The people were opressed
they were forbidden to speak
eventually they gave up trying

The government took their voices
their rights
their sound
and they weeped in silence
hoping one day that
their voices will be returned

for they know that they are under constant surveillance
from the higher ups above
and on word might land them
behind the steel bars
where people have been known to stay,
forever

It is in this alley where democracy is practised
But what little democracy practised
resulted in the alley
losing its sound

For the name democracy was made up
for the political system was really
something else

This alley remained silent,
not a sound uttered
even though lips moved
the weather too
seemed to obey
the silent rule

It is in this alley
where conspiracy occurs
where lies covers the truth
where empty promises overtake promises
and hatred
littered the street

Is this how it is going to end?
voiceless
Soundless
only
silence
cause many
are shivering in fear

- Jonathan Ho

Silenced for they were forbidden to

speak

Disclaimer:

I declare that i am not against any form of government and any offence taken is not any of my responsibility. I am merely stating my thoughts shown by the label. I therefore deem it appropriate to release this entry as it is merely my thoughts. Thoughts that have not been voiced.I hereby declare that i am not against any from of government practices and am only voicing out my thoughts. I am merely stating my thought and i would not be responsible for any anger or hatred towards this post from other parties. any disagreement from other parties is redundant and should be treated as only Point of views. I am not responsible for any complaints and any other form of action to be taken bla bla bla. If this post has been offensive to anyone, it should not be treated as a attack but merely as a point of view from a ignorant person. I do have freedom of speech. I do not take any credit except for the poem above. However if this post is deemed as offensive, it should be treated as nothing but merely a point of view. I am just sharing my thoughts with the world and whatever the world choses to believe in is none of my concern. I do not have any intention to spread propaganda or any intention to influnce the way of thinking in people. i am only voicing out my thoughts and what the thoughts are should be left to be as my thoughts and nothing else. this post is merely my thoughts and any action taken against this post would be redundant. This post is merely about me and my thoughts and people who find this post in anyway discomforting or rude or whatever bla bla bla should stop reading and erase any memory of this post from your mind. I hereby declare that i am not against the government and whatever practices they have once again i declare that this is my thoughts and that any comments or any displeasure should be regareded as redundant. I too declare that i am not anti government. I did this because i have freedom of speech.

Motivational phrase I

2008-10-18T21:31:00.008+08:00

Ok note,

i am here to put in a motivational phrase that i invented myself!

(you guys know i am rarely motivational)

When everything seems dark ,
When everyone seems distant,
When nobody seems to care,
When you feel invisible,
When you're down,
When you tear,
When you need a listening ear,

Pray

because god will listen
for he loves you
---------------------------- [Jonathan Ho]

Image url

Please note that if you want to take any material orignially created by me like that motivatinal phrase up there
please give me credit. Or legal actions will be taken and i mean legal

For those who don't know me well enough

2008-10-16T22:43:00.003+08:00

Style !
I just did the random quiz that jasmine did on her blog!

This is the results

1. Jonathan uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.Jonathan uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.

2. The circumstances when Jonathan does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise.

3. Jonathan will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally.

4. Jonathan is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?"

5. Jonathan tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Jonathan writes tiny all of the time, he will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Jonathan will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. he might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When he is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and his ability to focus is incredible. When he says "he didn't hear you", he really means, he didn't hear you.

6. Jonathan will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Jonathan believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

7. Jonathan will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

8. In reference to Jonathan's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Jonathan slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

9. Jonathan is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Jonathan basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Jonathan can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

10. Jonathan has a temper. He uses this as a defense mechanism when he doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around him.

11. Jonathan is having some confusion in his physical life. He is examining the past to give him answers about some of his physical desires. He may be trying to find a balance between his philosophical beliefs and his natural physical desires.

12. For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Jonathan has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Jonathan fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Jonathan has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Jonathan just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Jonathan finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.

Wow super long!
Yes now to evaluate the effectiveness

Part 1. Yes now the class understands why i dont communicate much
Part 2. Oh yes so true haha ! The dramarians have seen all those before
Part 3. Now this answers naresh question on why i study alone.
Part 4. Yes! i agree but i still dont understand why those sales promoter keep looking for me! it's really annoying! everytime i walk past pasir ris mrt and tampines mrt the path below the track. those promoters will automatically come to me !! =(
lol nicoles says i look like a easy victim!! haha
Part 5. Makes a lot of sense !
Part 6. AH ha ask wayne !
Part 7. Ask WAY NE again (note the spaces wayne) =D
Part 8. Totally!
Part 9. Yes absolutely ! except i lack the mental strength when it comes to sleeping =(
Part 10. Oh reminded me! SORRY TO THOSE WHO I'VE SHOUT AT!! SORRY !! I WAS EITHER TOO STRESS OR TOO GOD DAMN PISSED!
Part 11. Don't get this part. (skip)
part 12. Oh now this is the on that doesn't make sense ! oh wait maybe it does. unless im at like a super close friends house and than he's folks arent at home. than yes! if not i dont do that !

and they didn't specify! i write left block when it my thoughts, i write clustered when its essay, and notes so how?!

lol but really amazing !

2008-10-06T22:23:00.003+08:00

Warning the post that you are about to see is contaminated with sarcasm. It would be wise if children were kept away from the following post or they may just follow suit.

The sarcasm begins

There was a lovely surprise waiting for me when i got home, not that i didn't expect it.
Yes the first thing i stepped into the house, I got a wonderful gift from that mom of mine.
One known as scolding.
No wonder i always look forward to coming back home.

She started scolding me about why am i coming home so late when i clearly told her about me having night study.
and her next line was
are you sure you've been studying the whole day.

I would have gone " No ma i was out having sex, selling drugs, shoplifting, getting into fights, beating up some old man, stealing a car, committing arson, drank and drove, comitted murder, taking drugs, smoking and vandalising."

If i wasn't such a person who bottles everything up.

Normally the situation suggested above, the wonderful speech from my mom would normally be filled with a caring and worry tone.

SS time

Her tone was of a fraustrated tone and every single word that slip from her mouth was clearly filled with venom intending to inflict maximum and untold damage to the victim.
Her purpose was to clearly vent her anger on whoever who made her angry nd she couldn't vent it properly because i am the only person who she can really scold properly and get away with it.

I have a question for you,
Do you like getting scolded when you just entered the house.

Obviously not

so i argued back with a freaking annoyed and irritated tone.
and guess what my oh so wonderful mum said.

I asked you because i was concern right. If you dont want to talk to me than dont la!

guess what

from the minute i stepped into the house she started firing at me with her wonderful machine gun each bullet exploded in my face with such force that you are rendered helpless.

Her tongue

i was really on the verge of saying this
" when you learn how to properly communicate and not shoot your bloody mouth at me just because you had a fucking bad day than i'll respect you for worrying for me bitch"

Yes burt being the loser me i stormed of into the toilet.

guess i proved wayne right that i was defnitely going to get scolded when i get back home.

It seems that every little thing i do
is magnified one thousand times and shot back at me.

ALL I DID WAS GO TO SCHOOL ATTENDED LESSONS AND STUDIED TILL 9.30 PM AND SHE COMES SCREAMING AT ME WITH NO PARTICULAR GOOD REASON FOR SCREAMING AND TRIES MAULING MY HEAD OFF.

i would like to say to my mom
a wonderful fuck you and good riddance when i start a job and get a place on my own.

and the sarcasm ends

2008-10-03T23:16:00.003+08:00

To explain why i'm in a pretty bad mood now

Taken from Impulse By ellen hopkins

Keep going

That's exactly what i tell
myself." Keep going, loser"
I'll never be anything else.
I step on a narrow rock shelf

and it crumbles, making
me scramble for a foothold.
I find one, push up, smash my
knee into a jut of granite.

Way to go faggot. The voice
I hear belongs to my father.
Get hold of yourself. You'll never
make first string like that. Fear

of failure impels me toward
the top, as it pushed me toward
the goal line so many times
before. I don't dare stop .

Don't dare drop the ball. Dont
dare finish second. We only
want what's best for you, so
spare me your whining. Why
can't you be like Cara? She
never loses. Cara is smarter.
Cuter. More talented. Iwill
forever ride in her backseat.

Well, they're fraternal twins, you
see. Now the voice is my mom's.
I want to shut her up bu I
know she wont be silenced.

I reach up for a handhold,
find I'm almost to the top.
And still the home movies
rewind... replay... rewind.

Of corse i'm proud of Conner.
It's just... he's not his sister.
With a bust of energy, I
thrust myself up and over.

Standing here

My entire world far beneath
my feet, i should be filled
with pride. Instead i feel
overwhelmed by a sense of defeat.

Suddenly it comes to me,
toes tempted to test the ledge,
there there is a way out of this.
Calm surety flow through

my veins and as i turn to wave
good-bye, I wonder, if it will
hurt or if a single person
will cry at my fneral.

I take a deep breath, a final
taste of sweet mountain air.
I conjure Leona, Emily.
Move my feet closer. Closer.

There's Grandma One, Grandma
Two and their spouses, waiting
for me. I see Dad. Cara. Mommy.
I screw up my courage, step over...

********************************

I feel like conner.
I see so much of conner's hurt in me
so much of his sadness in me.
so much of him in me

problems
relativly similar
happy endings
pretty bullshit

Contributions from SPACEY!!

2008-10-03T22:12:00.004+08:00

Again stacey has poked me to do, another random thing!
Such a pi-ya-no!
I'm in a dark humour mood currently so expect loads of crap from me =)

Q1. The person that tag/pass me this is?
Urgh this is difficult!! who is it ah??
spacey?
stacey?
smacey?
swacey?
snacey?
sdacey?
Oh my so confusing!!

Q2. Your relationship with her is?
My Emo-buddy!
Q3. Your five expression of him/her?
Emo!
Mental
Crazy
Siao
VIOLIN!

Q4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
haha this is funny!
she tried to buy me long john's silvers for dinner because i was complaining i was hungry !! ahaha it was 6.30 pm and she is a freaking sec 1 who needs to go home!! haha i was like omg!!!

Q5. The most memorable thing he/she said to you?
WHAT THE VIOLIN!!! WHAT THE PI-YA-NO!!!

Q6. If he/she become your lover you will?
Become a jerk! i dont 2 time you stupid quiz!

Q7. If he/she becomes your lover, thing he/she need to improve on?
You are a dumb quiz =)

Q8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
whahaha !! scold her what the violin!!! =)

Q9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
we argue over the pretext of when to use What the Violin and What the Pi-Ya-No

Q10. The most desired thing you wanna do for him/her is?
She owes me a meal =)

Q11. Your overall impression on him/her is?
Emo mental spacey!

Q12. How do you think the people around you feel about you?
urgh!
My family doesn't see me
Sometimes i'm a sub around my friends
I know my dramarians loves me!
Mostly
someone who speaks only when he feels like it

Q13. The characters i love myself are?
Zilch

Q14. On the countary, what are the characters you hate about yourself?
Being a bloody average!

Q15. The most ideal person i want to be with is?
R.M.W.L!!!!

Q16. What do you have to say for the people who care,concern and love you?
My family does it when their in a good mood. so practically nothing
my friends are awesome!! so more or less a thanks
Drama club awesomeness! therefore would be don't miss me =)
and yes i would like to say i love you to R.M.W.L
funny thing is i practically say it every single day =)

Q17. Who do you want to pass this quiz to 10 people to know how they think about you?
1) Amirah Drama bestie!!!
2) Wanzhen! Sexy babe!
3) Nicole the Bird!
4) R.M.W.L <3
5) Sherry the MILK!!!!
6) SPACEY!! SMACEY!! SWACEY!! SDACEY!! SNACEY!! (shoot back to you =) )
7) Jasmine!!!
8) Guo Wei the socks rocker !!!
9) Cammie
10) Anson (patricia)

Q18. Who is number 6. having relationship with?
-.- GERARD WAY!! ( i'm sorry i have no choice she'll kill me and feed me to the dogs if i said anyone else)

Q19. Is number 9. a male or a female?
You do realise there's only 2 guys in my list so please calculate the probability yourself =)

Q20. If number 7. and 10. go out together,will it be a good thing?
Oh hell no!! Anson is (self proclaimed) gay! so i don't know what will happen! beside she's older than him!!! falalala!!

Q21. What is number 2. studying about?
Detailed research on a guys Penis

Q22. When is the last time you spoke to number 3.?
Oh my!! last week??!! we're all busy!

Q23. What kind of musc band does number 8. like?
Healing music!! WHAHAHAHAHA !!!

Q24. Does number 1. has any siblings?
oh crap i think so!! i never got to ask!! sorry ami!!!!

Q25. Will you woo number 3.?
Eh she's engaged what's wrong with this quiz!?

Q26. How about number 7.?
eh!! what the hell!!?? this is so crapped up!! she has some guy from big bang!

Q27. Is number 4. single?
NOPE!! SHE'S MINE !!

Q28. What is the surname of number 5.?
MILK!!

Q29. What's the hobby of number 10.?
DRAMA!!!

Q30. Does number 5. and number 9 get along well.
Wha two different countries! i am absolutely amazed by the capacity of ____ from this quiz =)

Q31. Where is number 2. studying at?
AUSTRAILIA!!!! NOOOO!!!!!~~~~~

Q32. Talk something casually about number 1.
She's awesome!!! She and I we undergo american custom!! therefore we exchanged hugs!!!

Q33. Have you tried developing feelings for number 6.?
OH ABSOLUTELY!!!! A VIOLIN FEELING AND ALSO ONE FROM THE PI-YA-NO

Q34. Where does number 9. lives now?
THE BLUE PLANET!

Q35. What colour does number 4. like?
=) she likes red =) see im not a lousy bf lalalala

Q36. Are number 5. and 1. good friends?
Again different country. pokes!

Q37. Is number 7. the sexiest person in the world?
Oh my this is really difficult!! how do you define sexy
WANZHEN IS SEXIER!!!!!

Q38. What is number 6. doing now?
Spacing around
swaying around
staying around
Snaking around
Smacking around
omg i have nothing to put for sdacey!! noooo!!!!!

2008-10-01T18:45:00.002+08:00

She grew up
to fast

learning to bottle things inside
learning to not trust anyone
learning to keep her mouth shut
learning to be invisible
suffering in silence
hating
silenced
empty
lost
thinking

because whatever she did was never enough

whatever she wanted to say
was of no value or meaining

She could never stand for what she thought was right
She could not meet the expectations of the one who made her grew up so fast
She could not voice her thoughts

and whatever she did
the goods were brushed aside
the bads were magnified

and she could not do anything
not even mutter
a single swear word
in hearing range of her catalyst

and any blunder she made
was deemed as
laziness
stupid
and many more

never was it an error by accident
it was always her fault

she had enough
she wanted to scream,
but she couldn't

she was still under the rule of her catalyst

she wanted to escape
but she knew
her catalyst will find her

and never forgive her

her catalyst
the words from the catalysts mouth
pierced her heart
so deep
that she couldn't scream f*** me

The catalyst wanted a perfect child
her

but the catalyst knew she failed
and her perfect child was someone
imperfect

Sarah grew up hating
because of the way she was taught to grow up

keeping everything to herself
nothing to others
hating

her siblings were rewarded once or twice
but Sarah
never

she felt like a castaway
a alien
and she wanted to shout
at the catalyst face

but she knew she couldn't

she was silenced

and the catalyst would blame her
for not communicating

when in the first place she was silenced by her

The catalyst found fault in every single thing she did

and evey good thing Sarah did
was swept under the carpet

Sarah lived
from yesterday

everyday to her was a repeat of yesterday

the same old
crap

She needed to voice out her thoughts
but again she was silenced

she never had a say

and she knew it

take 2007 for example
the big event in her life

she objected
but the catalyst went ahead

she knew that there was no point objecting
and now
she suffer the mistakes the catalyst made

take 2005 for example
the event that she knew
the catalyst was running away from her past

she objected
but again
her voice was not heard

she was never respected
she was never treated as someone worth talking to
and she was seen as the child of yesterday

she would never voice her thoughts to the catalyst
because she knew
that the catalyst
was no longer worth trusting
and believing in

she starved herself
so that she can pay the catalyst back

she didn't want to have any relations with the catalyst
but part of her knew
that she needed the catalyst
and the catalyst needed her

she hated the things the catalyst did
but forgave the catalyst

she wondered why did she forgive?

because she guess it was not in her nature to hate for long

but the hatred was building she was sure

she never looked forward to going home anymore
home was just a place
for her to sleep

home was just a place
like a hotel
except it was not a classy
and of cause there was always the catalyst

home was just a place where her troubles never flew away

what is home?

she never really knew

home was just to her, another

mistake

courtesy of spacey !

2008-10-01T17:39:00.003+08:00

i have been tagged
by spacey
smacey
swacey
snacey
stacey
to do this random thing

#1where would you go if someone sponsors you an airticket?
Paris!, Perth!, London! Italy! France! Greece!!!!!!

#2 what's your favourite things to do?
Talking
Not talking
Reading

#3 Do you think money can buy happiness?
Is there happiness on earth?

#4 If you were given a chance to receive something, what would it be?
The Used All that i've got T-shirt, the version with the Half tree ! ORIGINAL!! (not those cheap rip off or imitation)

#5 Things/People you can't live without?
Things:
Computer
Phone
Mp3
My house key
My house

People:
Drama 101
Super close friends
R.M.W.L
damn i didn't want to say this but i have no choice =( -family

#6 Who are you afraid to lose? (i changed the question from what to who)
My great Dad =(
Grandma
Mom
R.M.W.L
Bro
Super close friends
Drama 101

#7 If you win $1 million dollars, what would you do?
Immigrate !
(wayne would say that this questin is a 'standard 10 year series question' )

#8 What do you dream of in the future?
I dream that the world would be a better place
oh but yes
the word there is dream
so i'm certain it won't come true

#9 List down 3 good points about the person who gave you this survey .
ew!! spacey ah!!
urm
mental
someone i can talk to because we are relatively the same ( not referring to gender you jerks)
and err Crazy

#10 What makes you happy?
R.M.W.L
and refer to question #1 oh i am obliged to not tell the rest =)

#11 What type of person do you hate the most?
Insensitive

#12 If you have a super power what would it be?
Fly with wings which can be hidden from view combined with the power of half fire half ice =)
Mr Infinitum!

#13 Would you go for happiness or money?
urgh ! this random thing keeps repeating questions!
like i said if there is happiness in the world than i would go for happiness.

If not money

#14 Who do you think is the most important people in your life?
again repeated

BFFs
R.M.W.L
Drama 101
urgh! family

#15 If you have a boyfriend would you die for him?
OH HELL NO !!! I AM STRAIGHT !! STRAIGHT!!! LIKE MY CHINESE NAME SUGGESTS!!
I AM A LINE !! STRAIGHT!!

#16 Who's the last person who hugged you?
AMIRAH!!!!
my drama bestie! someone who aint untouchable like those girls you see in sg =)

#17 What is the one thing you want to do badly right now?
Meet R.M.W.L
Sheesh she's such a drug!

#18 Who are you close to?
wow !! repeated !! and it actually asked who!!! wow !!!

#19 Are you courageous enough to the person you like her/him?
i guess so ! unless R.M.W.L goes all whiney ! than i'll melt

#20 If you could do one thing over again what would it be?
Go back to when i was before pri 5 and live again with dad!

7 things that scare you:
R.M.W.L turned evil
getting AMNESIA permanently!
gigantic bugs
Nightmares (thats why they're called nightmares)
Random stuff
Wayne doing stupid stuff like scaring me when i come out from the toilet
Not being able to sleep

7 things that you like the most:
R.M.W.L (she is not a thing!)
wait!! isn't this repeated?!! screw this random thing

7 important things in my room:
Alas not repeated!
My bed
telephone
Mobile/Hand phone
computer
My posters!
My old toys!
and a wonderful Marooned box that no one ever saw =)

7 random facts about me:
Random
Random
Random
Random
Random
Random
Random

7 things i plan to do before i die:
Get my freaking book published
Celebrate my 100++ birthday!! =D
Make sure i dont make the same mistakes my parents did in raising me
Be remembered as a great friend
Make a significant impact on someone's life
Make the world a better place
Make sure i dont get a lousy job because im from a lousy school

7 things i can't do:
Write with my right hand
Handle too much stress ( SCREW YOU EDUCATION!)
Stop biting my nails (stupid habit!)
Drive a car ! haha
Not watching any other movies that are rated NC 16 and above !! haha
Lifting a 500kg car
Fly with wings =(

7 things you are attracted in the opposite sex:
I have a girlfriend =)

7 things i always say:
What the violin!!! haha!! (inside joke with spacey!)
We have became what we fear most
We have been silenced
Omhg
WtF
Omg
Ok

7 people to do this questionnaire:
Ali
Tom
Ken
Paul
Sam
Sally
Kelly

( i know none of them =D )

A tribue to the Cca where nobody grew up

2008-09-22T22:49:00.004+08:00

It was his home,
a home away from home,

it wasn't school like what many people thought
but it was a room inside the school.

a special room,
where everything was a joke.

this was where he spent his happiest moments
enjoying every bit of time he spent inside

the craziness,
the madeness,
the nonsense
and the wonderful people

it was a place where he grew up
a place where he's inner child roam
a place rather where nobody grew up.

The clueless steroetyped
that the room was for guys with an influx of Y chromosomes.
but the guys inside,
were nothing like the stereotyped image

they were all proper,
straight and
pretty strong.

yes and the best part was,
some had girls.

the room was a escape route
an escape
from reality,
from the coldness of the world,
from stres
from demands
from deadlines
from wars
from disputes

that was a room, where all worries dissapeard.

the room, was unlike any other room,
the people inside were great friends,
friends you know,
that will never forget you
no matter where you go,
friends who would be there for you,
friends with hugs
that felt warmer
than a burning fire place in winter

we screwed up majorly,
as long as we're in the room,

but we had fun,

we broke rules
countless

but we had fun,

we got locked,
once

major fun!

we made a fool of ourselves in public
laughed at tiny dicks

major fun!

we performed,
cause we belonged on stage

and we had fun

we bashed for birthdays
and made a mess of walkways and clearings

major fun

we scrawled and vandalise
never got caught

and we had fun

we were nomads once
but we fought for what we thought was right

such politics

we screwed the school majorly
and we made sure our voices were heard

such politics

we did busted campaigning,
screwed them majorly

such politics

such fun.

The room where the drama kids own.
drama kids rock my earmuffs off!

the room where there were no rules

no laws

no policies

just fun

nonsense

and

lots of love

Insensitive

2008-09-19T19:15:00.002+08:00

And she stared at him,
giving him the 'fuck off' look

what was his problem?
she thought to herself.
what was his issue?

so what if she was not as smart as he is,
so what if she was not in the same class as he is,
even though she achieved better grades,
so what if he learnt more things than her.
so what?

she hated him,
loathed him,
spits at him,

but she never speaks up.

they used to be friends,
he still think they are
but she knows he sucks .

She lit the lighter
and burned the picture.

Insensitive that's what he was
and she knows,
she wasn't the only one.

People used to like him,
until they knew him well,
than they shunned him avoid him.

Who asks stupid questions like "are you ok"
when the person practically doens't want to talk about it.

Who trys to be nice,
when he himself knows that
she hates him.

He thrives on people
who's brains are so called
"lousier than his"
just because he's in a better class.

She hates him
loath him
spits at him

Manipulator he was,
one who thinks he can control,
but she won't be controlled by him,

so what if her sciences knowledge was worse than his
he should have stayed back one year
and learn to be
a proper man

people who don't know him,
see him as distinguished,
gentlemanly
and rich

what a girl would want.

but no, he was uglier than all that
a wolve in sheeps clothing
that is who he is.

Every sentence he says to her
to him,
it seems like trying to start a conversation

but to her,
he was mocking her.

examples

____ is the top in level for pure sciences but he's struggling in __
you think you can meh?

Do you have science practical examinations?

You lucky you're in your class your subjects are so easy,

I think i want to take POA. Its so easy

Eh. you never go to ____ school ah?

i'm going ___ because i know i will struggle in ____

No la you're smarter than me

and when she told him, that she wanted to go to __
he started some granmother story,

which made her super pissed.

who was he to mock her?
who was he to be two faced?
Nice to girls, horrid to guys, extremely competitive,
a devil in disguise

She knows better to steer clear from him

she wanted to say fuck off in his face
but she knows that that wouldn't be wise

she wanted to punch his poorly constructed face
but she knows that he's face is too hard to be dented

she wanted to give him the cold shoulder,
but he keeps popping back

"Stop trying to use everyone bitch" she screamed at his burning face

but no response was heard.

He's a flirt, she knows
he pervs on pretty girls, she knows
he treats guys unequally,
guys were thought as just friends,
girls were thought to be much closer
for someone like him

like the paintings on a clowns face
his smile was

another lie
trying to be nice

another freak
another trash
another liar
another blind
another deaf

that was him,

with another mouth
that shoots without thinking

that was him,

and she sweared that
she,
was
going
to
prove
that
bitch
wrong

You're not my friend

i was blind to see

a friend in you before

i'm not making that mistake again

go away

and dissapear

and everyday was another masquerade parade

2008-09-17T22:38:00.002+08:00

She complained,
complained to sarah about the people,
about those

those who parade in a masquerade
those who bore scaly skins
those who made the world,
a colder place

and sarah understood
she knew about this long ago
that's why she avoided the paraders.

she wanted these thoughts to end
not the thoughts of hers or melissa
but the thought of those,
those people

There were no known words to sarah
to describe these people

No proper words because everything they do
would be taken to the extreme,

and all they needed would be a leader
and the rest would follow
follow suit and in the end
a word known as a 'clique'
is formed.

extremist that's what
people would call them

and it goes overboard
until the word hatred
blossoms into fruits

and the followers slowly leave them
realising they have been used
used and manipulated
people who wears masks
yes that was them
a masquerade parade

'two-faced' sarah called them
'Liars' other's called

but mainly annoying

Like puppeters,
they controled
Like clouds
they control
Like the above
they control

but their regime
would be short

sarah knew

she knew that everything
was yet another viscous cycle
unless someone breaks out
stops the cycle
and the cycle
no longer exists

another masquerade parade
another masquerade parade
another masquerade parade
another masquerade parade

everyday was another masquerade parade

another facist

another lie

another rose painted black

another pretense

another scarred face

another coating

another masquerade

Ok i presume that this is not really good. well my barain ain't functioning nowSo pardon the lack of deepness

The ending of another beggining

2008-09-11T18:59:00.009+08:00

Ain't this an appropriate title no?
Exams has ended
and another one will soon began

and after that
another one will come again

and it is the end of the exams
but another examination will began

it is the ending of another beggining.

So she sat at the window ledge,
waiting,
waiting for what comes ahead

but she don't know,
she doubted,
questioned

whether she would be somebody one day,

because she knows,
where she is now,

is a place where people would grow up to be
only nothing but average,
the ending of this average period

the beggining of this average period,
she wants to break out,
but she knows she can't,

she hope she could,
she wanted to be somebody,
but she knows she can't

but can I?

she questioned herself

she stared up at the sky,
the dark clouds covering it,
it was going to rain

just like the society out there,
everything was dark,
and every day was a rainy day,
where the ray of sunlight,
is only enjoyed
by those who are not average,

the world out there is cruel
and there is no place for averages
she wanted to stop being an average
but she doesn't know whether she can
she doubted

the rain came streaking down,
splattering onto her face,
a streak of blood oozed out of her cheek,

just like society,
where she knows that an organisation is just a name
where you need to look out for yourself
and never trust anyone

or you'll be cut
cut deeply
with a gash left upon
forever to be remembered
just like the cut on her face

the cut told her
that something as innocent as a rain drop
can be deadly, vicious and unforgiving

just like society
just like society

why does a word like society exist
when what it means
was people of the highest level

society has no place for losers
but what have they changed this word into

she asked herself

she was average
she knows it

but her classmates sees her as a god
someone who could do many things
but to her, she knew that all these were nothing incredible

she was in an average class
has a average score
an average life

everything of hers was average,
nothing of hers was not average
she wanted to break out of this average

she needed to

she screamed,
but no sound was heard,
not a single sound,
because the world was cold
cold and unwarm
the people made the world cold
even though global warming is occuring

the people turn a deaf ear
to those of an average
and you would see the boot lickers
or what Sarah would like to call
"stuck ups"
licking onto those above
so as to "reserve" a seat there

the world was cold
and averages were left to suffer

a feather came falling
and landed beside her,
out of place
in the rain

just like me, she thought
she was an average
but was mixing with the aboves
all because she wanted
to get out of the average

but was it working?
she has become what people in societies would call
an outcast
she felt she doesn't belong
with her current group of friend
she knows she doesn't belong
in the class of hers
she was the odd one out

people looked at her
with one glance and they would go
weird

but she doesn't bother
about the snide remarks
she wanted to belong
belong
belong

why was she an average
an average
of avaerage proportion
she was neither pretty
nor was she a cheerleader
sarah was just an average girl

just like,
the girl next door

she was the girl next door
and boys dont go
"hey gorgeous"
nor do they go
"get lost monster"

they don't notice her
they don't know about her
she was invisible

the rain continued to pour
dissapearing behind the landscape
invisble

just like her
invisible

she was invisible

The below were seen and heard
The above influnces

but the middle
they remain anonymous
unheard

silenced she prefer to call

The middle,

they screamed
but no sound was heard

they spoke
but not a single sound

they whispered
and again nothing

nobody heard them
nobody wanted them

until when a crisis occur
do they come knocking on the door
asking for help

but when sarah needed their help
they turn away
flicking their long silky hair at her face
telling her they had no time
they were busy

but what they had said
sarah knew was true,
they had no time for her

but she had plenty of time for them

Her family was what a girl would call
average
the usual nagging
the usual scolding
the broken up family
where a stranger comes in to act as a substitute

but she knew that a sub
could never take her dad's place
she knew that she had taken her dad
for granted
her real dad
gone

she wished it wasn't true
but it was

she wanted to see him again
feel him one more time
talk to him
and feel his love
even though it was never obvious
because that was her dad
her dad that used to love her
her dad that used to walk her to school
her dad that used to sit with her
and just talk

her dad promised her things
but she knew
it would never be fulfilled now

she wanted to see him again
she needed him

she closed her eyes
and made up her mind
she was not needed
nobody needed her in the world
and she could think of all the positive effects
if she was gone

if she was gone
there would be one less person in the world,
someone better would come take her place

if she was gone
there would be on less average
and someone from the above would come take her place

if she was gone
her parents wouldn't need to waste their money on her
and the money would be used
to make her sister an above

if she was gone
there would be one less person to ignore
and one more person to be noticed

if she was gone
there would be one less person to feel the coldness
the emptiness of this world

if she was gone
she would be noticed
by her family
and society
but they would only mourn for a while
but it would be enough

if she was gone
there would be one less boy left with a broken heart
and there would be one more boy with a heart burning with passion

if she was gone
there would be one less person to teach
and one more middle will attain aboveness

if she was gone
there would be one less person eating
and one more person who stop suffering from malnutrition

if she was gone
there would be one less person to appreciate
but one more person to remember

if she was gone
there would be one less person to miss her dad
and one more person to feel his love again

if she was gone
if she was gone
if she was gone

she stood up and leap
leaped into the emptiness beneath her
leap into the unknown
knowing the world would be a better place without her
knowing the world won't be needing her
knowing that she would not be taking up space
knowing that nobody would remember for long
knowing that the sadness the people would feel when she was gone
was only temporary

and with those thoughts
she landed onto the cold ground below
without a sound from her
without a noise around her

until the silence was lifted from her
did the sound of a 'thump'
was heard
and she stayed there
motionless
eyes closed
the life sucked out of her
a gash across her cheek

and a smile across her face

smiling because she knew

that the world would be

a better place

without

sarah