if drowning yourself in sorrows and workload doesnt help, what can?everyday i think about you, with tears falling down, carrying the sorrow and the memories the great ones i had with you. i feel so empty. maybe i am going crazy or i have suddenly lost my soul. i put on a fake smile, and when i come home the world shatter. is everybody going crazy or is it just me. i didn't think i had miss you so much. and the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star is you. i may not have a picture of you but that means i would never forget your face, how you look. and that i wouldn't need a reminder on what you really look like. that smile of yours, and the laughter that brought a true smile unto my face. it hurts to think i won't be able to hear your voice again, even for that short span of time. there would be no time i'd rather waste on other than you. you always told me not to waste my time, but talking to you felt like the world had froze, until someone interrupts. if i could escape to a world where there were nobody else except you, i would. maybe thats why i've been mourning everyday, for the lost of my great friends, my best friend i ever had but never acknowledge till he left, and you. some how only songs of acoustic version gets to me now. it never happened. i thought that if drowning my sorrows with workload, stress myself out, or even music. it doesnt work. i dont really enjoy those music i used to listen to. i took a fancy to red. and i snuggled the black jacket i have. to find any traces of you. you brough life into me, i took a fancy towared red just for you, i even have a winnie the pooh notebook, and i read the post that i have printed out from your blog every single day. hoping, wishing that some day you would love me as much as before like what you wrote.that's why i said i wasn't mad at you and never will be. even if you broke my heart, cause my heart never belonged to me in the first place, it belonged to you. this heart used to be unbreakable after the incident 5 years ago. you broke it. i thought that i had you within my grasp, but its the other way, it was i who was in your grasp, and that i could loose this feeling with just a flick of your finger. i don't care, cause i will never be mad at you and even if you ignored me forever, i would still love you. its hard to see what im typing, the words are bluring and the music doesn't help. i feel like screaming to the world that i am empty, i feel like shouting to you from afar that i still love you and that you would be able to hear it. if it were possible, i would drown myself in the sea, so that i can forget. But will that ever happen?i had a dream, i was in a hospital, and in a coma. and there was my body lying every so still. And the only thing that make me woke up was because you appeared. maybe the fairytale in modern times have changed. or im just a dumped a useless little fluke that could not make you feel happy, or even comfortable when you were with me. i still take the same bus to school, but whenever im on 53 i look around the bus, hoping that i would be able to get a glimpse of you. that would have made my day. even though we are no longer, i still draw your name everywhere in my textbooks. the ones i used for revision, my notes . i didn't know i could miss you so much. if there were one chance for me to change the past, i would make sure i never met you. For i know its hurting you too as much as its hurting me. for i'm the cookie jar trying with all my heart not to let you go
i can't forget you
r.m.w.l
