Monday, July 28, 2008
I have repeatedly repeated this point like ga jillion times, I AM NOT A SUBSTITUTE. it still seems to me that nobody gets this point.
gah
well basically, it means if you dont have anybody else to go out with and that there is still the guy next door, i'd rather you don't call on him. because what you will be doing is
- drag the poor guy out,
- if you see someone you know joys and joys of laughter
- you leave the poor guy alone and continue talking to the rest
- use him as a last resort for fun
its uber-irritating.
sigh anyway at least i know my friends care. even though what they did actually pissed me two-folds.
well basically they returned the movie dough back to me.
its like i went for the movie i'm paying why are you guys taking out 2 extra bucks each just for me
that is damn unfair
and it does not call for me feeling better either
guess im still right that nobody thinks like me
the reason i was pissed wasn't because of the money
its the principle that went wrong, THE PRINCIPLE and not the money.
why should i give a hoot for money?
when the world can be simplified if the government were to print moeny everyday and distribute it to the people so that they have at least a minimum standard of living.
yes its the principle that went wrong,
that day was screwed up because of the principle and not the money
and note i sort of figured out what you guys were going to do
clues provided
1. the group discussing obviously about the money
2. jordan passing the money to briana and jasmine
3. briana and jasmine taking another way back to class
that kind of like fit the entire picture into place in my head i was like
"god damn it its about the principle la. its not like i dont know you guys are going to stuff the money on my table or under the stack of papers on my table"
4. jasmine and briana hurrying wei xin to open the door faster
now the moving my bag part was a rouse to confirm my deduction and yes there i saw the proof.
sigh its about the principle.
not the money i dont need the money, money is only used when you need it and not when you want it.
and yes that day i felt like crap even though it was supposedly meant for celebration but
because i felt like a substitute that day
it isn't the first time something like that happened
i was getting sick and tired of people not having a say
and loads more
its extremely irritating.
and well partially it is my fault because i was the last to meet them. tree-top climbing took too long.
oh one more thing i got fine brithday presents. the bag is swell thanks.
but actually what i would really like was some words, like nicole's and ting wei's mug and note book where a small space of nonsense was scribbled on=) and amirah's awesome post. gah i love her !
this is actually the very first time i got angry for 3 whole days. my saturday, sunday and monday was complete trash well until drama that is.
ahh i love drama peeps their the friends you know that are not superficial.
it was never about the money, it is always about
THE PRINCIPLE
Labels: another day thinking deeper into my thoughts
Saturday, July 26, 2008
unforseec circumstances change. i will therefore hereby declare that i'll blog once in a while.
today was as usual another one of those days, that will piss me off.
well at least the morning was pretty fine.
thank you for the birthday present.
well after the tree-top climbing, well we headed to downtown east.
as usual with the same bunch of people
well i was last to reach the meeting point so it's kind of like me fault that briana and the rest were hungry.
i'm sorry wayne!! for like not letting you complete the course because you were behind me.
well as usual, this happens ALL THE BLOODY TIME.
everytime, there is an awesome superb movie which will be airing, my wonderful friends will always do this to me.
case study 1
L change the world.
movie out this year.
didn't get to watch it
all of them went to watch with somebody else
case study 2
Iron man
movie out this year
didn't get to watch it
simple answer, they didn't want to watch it. and by they i dont mean they
case study 3
the hulk
movie out this year
only a few went
answer they didn't want to watch the hulk boring
case study 4
the dark knight
recent show
didn't watch and will definitely NOT BE ABLE TO CATCH IT!! ( i feel like typing all my swears and my curses but i wont)
due to the fact that they had an issue.
THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS.
and its not like im not saying that im a big fat selfish shit and that whatever movie i want to watch they should watch too.
BUT THE PEOPLE THERE THEY DONT HAVE THEIR OWN OPINION!!!
THEY DONT HAVE A SAY!!
this is damn infuriating.
and the worst part is, i am owing jordan 4 holy bucks because i had to pay extra for they and that because i JOLLY WELL KNOW THAT IF THIS THEY DOENS'T GO, NONE OF THEM WILL GO.
i'm not as ignorant as you think.
and you people must be wondering why the hell did i went to watch prom night when its a clear absolute waste of good dough.
reason1: i dont go they start bitching definitely
reason2: if it was because of me that they took the front row seats for the dark knight today, none of them will enjoy the show because i was being a little bitch!
reason3: i'm not spoiling the stupid movie for everyone else and guess what? i dont even get some alone time
and you know what is most irritating about all these
I ABSOLUTE HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE BLAME YOU FOR SOMETHING IN WHICH YOU JOLLY WELL KNOW YOU DIDN'T DO IT AND THEY THINK YOU DID.
in this case its about not doing anything
IS IT WRONG TO NOT TALK TO THEY IF YOU ASKED THEY WHETHER THEY FEEL FINE AND THEY DID NOT REPLY
YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW THEY IS IGNORING YOU
SO WHY FOR WASTE YOUR BLOODY BREATH.
this is as hell as shit.
you know i dont normally blow up but when i do, the sight is not really pretty.
i just WASTED ONE AND A HALF HOUR OF MY LIFE! absolute waste
THIS ALWAYS HAPPENSE.
AND I WONT BE SURPRISE IF THIS CONTINUES HAPPENING.
@#$%^&*()_#^!&*@#^!&#%!&*#%!&*#%*&#%&*@^!*(@^!*(@^!*#^!*(#^(
Labels: trash
Monday, July 14, 2008
I'm not going to blog for a long long time. its time to declare the closure of this blog till after my O levels. so to top it off with a bang, this will be the very last post i'll be making till The O levels is over.
The beggining of an ending
its time to end this chapter,
but a new chapter will soon begin,
with new characthers,
new hopes, new goals,
its time to end this chapter
and begin with a new beggining
starting from the ending
where a new legacy will be created
the prophecy will be fulfilled
and the world will finally come to peace
Because the time to begin is now
and this is the time where he will carve his destiny
onto the rock of eternity
where his destiny will be moulded
its time to end this chapter
and begin with the next
because the next is entitled
the sunlit horizon
where the he begins on a new journey
to find his destiny
and become
the intrinsic genome
its time to change and mould
a new destiny
Labels: Another day thinking
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I went for Cosfest on saturday.
i went with nicole and ting wei. well it was rather fun and we have decided to cos play together =)
well i was expecting estelle to be at the cosplay but i didn't seem to spot her, until now,
ah hahaha estelle looks so sien!! anyway she must be proud she got caught on cam =)
and i didn't know jessie cosplayed. either that's not her, or my, that person seriously looks like her.
i seriously think that is jessie.
Now this 2 are my favourties!! POKEMON ADVENTURES SERIES GOLD AND SILVER!!
holy.! i'm like what's pokemon got to do with manga. then i remembered there is a manga haha i've stopped reading the manga ready. its awesome. the story plot is nice.
i'm not posting the rest of the photos, all these photos have been taken from nicole's blog go there and check out the rest =P lazy
i'll blog about hancock soon
Labels: the days im out
Monday, July 7, 2008
i'm going out soon
meeting the rest at e-hub
watching Hancock
i'm a big sucker for supernatural shows
bring on the super power WILL SMITH!!
i can't wait to watch Batman heath ledges as the joker oh that will bring no end of hell to batman!! i love heath ledger, he is one of my favourite actors.
anyway Mum is not really as young as she used to be and my brother has to just go and piss her off.
she just screamed her head off at my brother.
my brother skipped his tuition class and came home at 2 o clock when he was suppose to come back at 5.30. he told my mum that he didn't want to stay there so late and that they were going to make the whole class stay back late.
i was busy doing homework at that time, and well mum just started yelling at him. She's not young anymore, she shouldn't be scolding him that much. i seriously think by scolding him this will affect her health and everything.
well i hope she won't get high blood pressure or something.
and yea this is the first time you're reading something i wrote due to concern for my mum.
yes i am not that heartless.
ok i have to go
Labels: Another day thinking
Thursday, July 3, 2008
well today was O levels mother tongue oral but lets not talk about that shall we.
i was waiting for the bus after my orals and farahin came along.
so as usual we chat about orals
then we started talkin about each other family
turns out farahin is extremely strong.
well i'm certain a lot of you know about her losing her mother.
and whats wrong with that?
i lost my father too
i sort of asked her about what if she got a stepmom. and she was like i'm not calling her mom.
that sounded extremely familiar to me
it sounded a lot like me.
i'm not going to call him dad
i told myself countless of times
and in the end it didn't work out
was forced to call him
well the word i'm using is obviously gibberish
it just sounds the same
well she's strong i'm jealous!
farahin i'm jealous !
its been 5 long years, 270 weeks, 1825 days + due to feb 28.
and i still miss him
its like losing half of yourself
and when you loose the other half
you loose yourself
the wedding,
i didn't want it to happen
but i knew that my mom needed him
and who am i to say no
when everyone else said yes
my opinion is not important
thus this happened,
i still prefer taking the buses,
i still prefer cycling,
i still prefer computer games
and i swore that i ain't going to wear anything he gives me.
and thats how its going to be
well farahin was actually almost tearing on the bus
its best to not say so much
***************************************
Address this letter to dear father,
its been a while, since i lost wrote again. i'm fine my O levels are coming, i wish you were here. I still go back to where we used to stay occasionally so as to relieve the days we spent together. Mum is fine, she has a new husband. He's taking care of her well. I'm not sure whether mum still thinks of you, because its been pretty long. brother obviously forgot about you already. He was still too young. So much has changed and so much hasn't. it seems to me that everything i do can be related to you. It's been a while, i hope you haven't harbour the thought that i would have forgotten about you. cause after so long, i realised you actually cared and the times you brought me to wait for the bus. you need not had to wake up so early, but you did. you were sick, and i was ignorant, naive and childish. Its seems like ages since i last saw you holding any chinese book, lying on the bed, lost in your own world. i wonder what you saw in your world. Is where you are like elsewhere? where they have viewing decks so that you can view down on to earth and see what the family is doing?? because i really hopes there is.
and the guardsmen at the river won't stop you from making contact. have you met your dad dad? because he passed away when you were young. i hope you've been reunited. Have you visited grans? she's fine, her house is undergoing development. I dont want to loose her either. even though i know sometime she will go. because i know grans really care even though she doesn't show it. It must have been heartbreaking for her to see you go. the youngest but the first. Now i still think it's my fault, that you left. If only i had bought the right drink for you.
why is it you didn't tell me your problems dad? you kept them all to yourself, away from your family, away from us. if only we knew, if only i knew the problems you were facing. you smoked but you never told me. The uncle who used to work at the minimart, he told me you did it because of stress. why did you not tell us? and until today i realise i will never be able to fish with you again, i will never be able to swim with you again and i wont be able to read my book with you. if only i knew earlier, if only i wasn't so childish, and took you for granted.
i hope your listening to my thoughts, because i really miss you. it like one moment you were there and the next you weren't no more, forever. We only spent 11 years together, its too short. I hope you aren't lonely up there, because knowing you, you will stick to your books. I need you here with me, but i know you can't. why arent you a secret agent, or a spy and is now in hiding?
this blog was only started because i needed someone to talk to. i needed someone to listen, but till now, i dont know whether you're listening. i hope you are. I know look outside the windows, and i find nothing familiar. our old house has been repainted dad. but i went back to our unit, the grills are the same, the floor tiles are the same. and the door paint is still the same. and so is my room which i regret ever rushing you to paint the room. i only thought of myself.
I would never hear you again, i dont want to forget your voice, your stubble or your glare. i can't bare my memories to be taken away. its too important. i miss you dad, please dad take good care of grans, let her live to an old age. because i cant bare to loose grans too. mum too. the thought has come to me, what if my whole family just dissapeared, i would be so alone in this world. like a ever expanding hole in my heart, the empitness will grow. maybe i took F&n because of you dad. i'm not making the same mistakes you did. i dont know where you are now, i dont know what have you been doing.
I stopped dreaming of you, will you come back to my dreams, so that i can see you again? so that i can hear you again? because i dont want to forget. i remember i cried when you told me you loved me most and that you knew you were going to die in a matter of time. i was only primary 4 than. i didn't expect you to go so soon. but i knew you tried your best fighting the disease, you tried your best to stay alive because of me.
and no matter how this heart may be occupied, know that there will always be a space for you. Now all i can cling onto are merely memories. its been 5 years dad, will you go back to the viewing deck? i just want to see you one more time, but i know i can't.
No matter what i do. i may have friend dad, but you're still my best friend and my dad together. will i get to see you again? because i cant bear to not remember what you look like. the photos will be gone someday i'm certain. i cant see anything in this house now that remind me of you. not a single thing. i cant bear to see grans go too. please dont let her leave us so early. I love both of you so much. maybe i got it from you dad, it seems i can't really show that i love you 'll and that i can only express them in words. i hope that the tears trickling down will tell you. i hope they send a mesage to you.
dad if you were to visit one more time, will you remember mum that you were here once, remember brother that you were here once. and will you visit me? and tell me that you're fine, and you're happy where you are? and let me tell you how much i miss you, how much i need you. because i am still half empty and i know it wont be long till i am empty. i dont know what happens when a person die, i really hope that our memories are still intact. because these memories are the things that are too valuable to be lost.
dad, grans, i know you'll have difficulty reading english
i just want to say that i love you'll
and that i know you'll
do to.
Labels: Another day thinking
