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I just read someone's blog and now im sad I havent seen you in 5 years i really miss you. I read elsewhere and i criedbecause it reminded me of you. Will you be at the observation deck, looking down here looking at the words that are being typed onto the screen now. Things have changed a lot Everyone's changed nobody's the same anymoreI'm sorryfor all the times i shouted for all the times i made you feel inferior for all the times i took you for granted. I miss your cooking I miss your silenceI miss your rough hands I miss making leaflets with you I miss going down to the park just to talk to you I miss going swimming with you I miss watching you play computer games Everyday i walk to school from the bus stop There would be this Dad and his son the dad would walk his son all the way to the school gate before going to work I dont know who the son is But i do know his dad loves him very much You did that too you waited with me for the school bus every single day and sometimes you would wait for me to come home but i didn't appreciate didn't care I wish i could get into your head and knew what you were thinking because the times i spent with you were really short I rememeber you took me fishing once your favourite activity and we carried the fish all the way home only the two of us I'm older now butI wish i could go fishing with you again I wish i could watch television with you again or even go down to the park just to talk You tried your best in connecting but i was the one who wasn't connecting Why did you smoke? could you tell me why? even though you did it secretly and i didn't find out until it was too late Why had you do it ?I regret now never praying for you maybe its because of me that you left because i didn't do anything but just sit at the sidelines and look I miss your lame jokes they were lamebut they were funny and sometimes i would take ages to figure it out I wish i could know how you feel during the times when you needed to see me talk to me most i was never there I wish i could feel the pain in you because you were a strong man and never showed the pain behind your gritted teeth I wish i could have spent more time with you when you were too sick to go out I wish i could have stayed once in a while with you I wish I wasn't so useless and patheticunable to do anything but just look and stare at you suffering How are you doing? where ever you are can you listen to my thoughts can you see into me can you hear my screams I don't know but i hope you can. and i wish i could be you for one day so that i can appreciate you more but now i guess it is too latetime cannot be reversed it can only go forward I wished i didn't go to school on that day I wished i went to the hospital with mum. I wasn't beside you when you left I wasn't there I wish I was to be with you on the day you left Why did i make myself believethat everything was going to be ok the day you left why did i go to school one day wouldn't hurt i wasn't there when you left I wish i were Now everytime i see kids with their dads Dads who work to support the family Dads who walk their son to schoolDad's who are always the one Who gets taken for granted I would be reminded of you and i would tell myself that that would be you if you weren't sick Everyone told me to prepare for the worst that you had to go sooner or later The signs told me to prepare for the worst that you had to go sooner or later But i didn't want to believe I miss you a lot Like there's a empty spot in my heart which can never be healed like i can never be whole once more I wish you were beside me now but you aren't Do you miss us? the family your sibilings your mumyour friends I hope you do I dont wan't grans to go too she's the only one who makes me feel that i am with you and i know grans love me too Screw me why can't i communicate properly why can't i learn the language properlyi want to tell her how much i love herbut i dont know how Do notes in a bottleget to where you are because i would do it To talk to you again If you were still alive do you think you had go to my graduation ceremony I would love to see you there I hope you would talk to me sometimes I dont want to forget you I really miss you
