Monday, October 27, 2008
Again
Again nothing
Again someting
Again compounded
Again maginified
Again maligned
Again lies
Again nothing
Again from the trash
Again blown up
Again fessed up
Again the same old thing
Again always
Again bombarded
Again for nothing
Again faulted
Again for nothing
Again always
Again her
Again for nothing
Again for your
Again enjoyment
Again made up
Again to look like a victim
Again nothing
Again you're right
Again she's wrong
Again fantasies
Again where she need to go
Again to be blamed
Again for something
Again she didn't do
Again nothing
Again became something
Again blown up
Again multiplied
Again for bloody nothing
Again made to be silenced
Again to prevent
Again made to look like
Again everything
Again things that she did
Again were made to look like nothing
Again things that she didn't do
Again made to look like something
Again defeated
Again lost
Again for nothing
Again for nothing
Again she didn't do nothing
Again made to look like something
Again for your
Again enjoyment
Again she see's your laughter
Again behind that mask
Again your laugh
Again you saddistic shit
Again nothing
Again maligned
Again everything's her fault
Again blamed
Again for nothing
Again she would say
Again a pleasant word
Again for nothing
Again all over
Again
-Jonathan Ho
Again blamed
Again for nothing
Again maligned
Again for nothing
Again made to bear the consequences
Again for nothing
Again not able to explain
Again pissed
Labels: Another day thinking
Sunday, October 26, 2008
I know you didn't
Do you see that kid?
Sitting in that corner?
The kid who was so afraid.
I know you don't.
Did you look into her eyes?
The eyes filled with
fear
hatred
loathe
I know you didn't
Did you talk to her?
listen to her problems?
because all she needed
was a listening ear
I know you didn't
Did you ever once
listen to her explanation for the things
she'd done wrong?
The reasons why
The logical explanation of it all?
I know you didn't
Did you ever not jump to conclusions
maligning the poor girl
of every single thing
in which she did not do
I know you didn't
Did you ever love her,
as much as you love
the one who came in
I know you didn't
Did you ever see her?
Crying,
Hating
Swearing
I know you didn't
Did you ever took a glance at her,
and let her know that
she existed
or did you just do it,
when you were bored
and needed someone's accompaniment
I know you do that all the time
Did you ever wondered
why she never strayed
over to the "dark side"?
I know you didn't
Or did you believe
that she was still a kid,
a kid who will always remain
7
ignorant,
innocent,
pure,
I know you still believed
Did you take time
to listen
to her sorrows,
the songs she listens to
and felt how she felt
about you
I know you didn't
Did you remained by her side
in her deepest darkest moments
where she sought
the blade,
the height,
the night lights,
to end it all
even when you were present,
and you could have stopped the tragedy
because you were present
I know you didn't
Did you see her as who she was
instead of her
as the image
in which you wanted to create
that perfect painting
I know you didn't
Did you ever understood?
Why she did the things
in which you found hatred in?
Did you ever thought
for a moment
that what she was doing
was to benefit you,
to help you
so that you wouldn't be
lonely
affected
annoyed
unhappy
I know you didn't
Did you realise
that she started hating
coming home
that this home
was now
a cold place
where she remained invisble
until you want to see her
Because i know you didn't
Did you ever sought help?
for yourself
for her
and the entire family
because she knew you did
when we were broken
but you didn't know
she knew
Did you ever wondered
why she only has one pair of jeans
a wardrobe
that was all black
a wardrobe that never changed for years
I know you didn't
Did you ever wondered why
everytime you ask to go out
for a family outing
she refused
and when she had no choice
there wasn't
a shining sun?
I know you didn't
Did you ever realise
how broken she was
how hurt she was
and how piercing
your words were
I know you didn't
Did you ever compliment
or was everything just
you can do better
and when her dumbness showed
you chose to magnify
compound
multiply
intensify
Did you feel how she felt?
I know you didn't
Did you realised why
she found her paradise
in a place known as
a book
I know you didn't
Did you ever realise why
she always wore black
why she could never smile properly
I know you didn't
Did you ever realise
that she was hiding
hiding everything
from you
away
to prevent
avoid
I know you didn't
Did you ever wondered why
the doors closed?
the musics loud?
and hear the screaming
behind it all
I know you didn't
Did you ever look into her soul
before she enclosed it
into a hard shell
never to be opened again
I know you didn't
Did you ever wondered why
she hated talking to you
or have you realised
that she was a human
I know you didn't
Did you ever look at her
upon as someone
who would accomplish
great things in the future
or was she another average
created by the likeness
of you?
I know you didn't
Did you ever look
behind it all
the walls
the barriers
the doors
(you gave up halfway)
I know you didn't
Did you ever wonder why
she took a liking
to becoming anti-social
becoming alone
becoming quiet
I know you didn't
Did you ever heard the word
Sorry
I'm certain plenty of times
from her
But did she ever hear it
coming from your mouth
even though
she was wrongly blamed
for the things she didn't do
I know you didn't
Did you ever waited
for her to come home
were you ever worried
about the pain
the dagger
sheathed into her
heart
I know you didn't
Did you ever tried listening
to her mind
the sentences
that she wanted to say
the stories
she wanted to tell
I know you didn't
Did you ever look her in the eye
and said
i love you
sincerely
and not because you done something wrong
after she was 8
I know you didn't
Did you ever wondered why
her memory was really good
were you ever worried
of what memories
she would be remembering
and what she wouldn't be
I know you didn't
Did you ever
took the time to realise
the ever summounting
hatred
sadness
coldness
she felt
I know you didn't
Did you ever listen properly
to every single sentence
she actually said to you
did you hear
the plead
the malice
the sadness
the anger
I know you didn't
Did you ever see the scars
inflicted onto her body
the injuries she took so much pain into hiding
so as not to trouble you
I know you didn't
Did you ever wondered why
she withdrew into herself
never to have a proper
chat
with you
again
I know you didn't
Did you ever wondered why
a good kid will stray
away from the proper path
away from the way where everything was right
I know you didn't
Did you ever wondered why
no matter how hard you tried
you couldn't reach
the cold girl
that was once named
sarah
-Jonathan Ho
I know you didn't
I know you didn't
I know you didn't
I know you didn't
I know you don't
Alone in the darkest hour she was
Alone was her in this world
Alone was her where she'd endure the taunts
from those so called
Alone where she was
even though the place
was what it seemed to be
Alone in a place
where there will never be
Alone because she knew
she knew you didn't know
-Jonathan Ho
Labels: Another day thinking
Friday, October 24, 2008
The original version of silenced
The shadows lurked around,
the alley was unusually packed,
but the silence was compounding
The alley was filled with lies
empty promises
and hatred.
Rain came pouring down
but not a sound was heard
not a sound
not even the sound of the wind
Silent
a place with no sound
a place where the voices of all
were taken away
The people were opressed
they were forbidden to speak
eventually they gave up trying
The government took their voices
their rights
their sound
and they weeped in silence
hoping one day that
their voices will be returned
for they know that they are under constant surveillance
from the higher ups above
and on word might land them
behind the steel bars
where people have been known to stay,
forever
It is in this alley where democracy is practised
But what little democracy practised
resulted in the alley
losing its sound
For the name democracy was made up
for the political system was really
something else
This alley remained silent,
not a sound uttered
even though lips moved
the weather too
seemed to obey
the silent rule
It is in this alley
where conspiracy occurs
where lies covers the truth
where empty promises overtake promises
and hatred
littered the street
Is this how it is going to end?
voiceless
Soundless
only
silence
cause many
are shivering in fear
- Jonathan Ho
Silenced for they were forbidden to
speak
Disclaimer:
I declare that i am not against any form of government and any offence taken is not any of my responsibility. I am merely stating my thoughts shown by the label. I therefore deem it appropriate to release this entry as it is merely my thoughts. Thoughts that have not been voiced.I hereby declare that i am not against any from of government practices and am only voicing out my thoughts. I am merely stating my thought and i would not be responsible for any anger or hatred towards this post from other parties. any disagreement from other parties is redundant and should be treated as only Point of views. I am not responsible for any complaints and any other form of action to be taken bla bla bla. If this post has been offensive to anyone, it should not be treated as a attack but merely as a point of view from a ignorant person. I do have freedom of speech. I do not take any credit except for the poem above. However if this post is deemed as offensive, it should be treated as nothing but merely a point of view. I am just sharing my thoughts with the world and whatever the world choses to believe in is none of my concern. I do not have any intention to spread propaganda or any intention to influnce the way of thinking in people. i am only voicing out my thoughts and what the thoughts are should be left to be as my thoughts and nothing else. this post is merely my thoughts and any action taken against this post would be redundant. This post is merely about me and my thoughts and people who find this post in anyway discomforting or rude or whatever bla bla bla should stop reading and erase any memory of this post from your mind. I hereby declare that i am not against the government and whatever practices they have once again i declare that this is my thoughts and that any comments or any displeasure should be regareded as redundant. I too declare that i am not anti government. I did this because i have freedom of speech.
Labels: Another day thinking
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Motivational phrase I
Ok note,
i am here to put in a motivational phrase that i invented myself!
(you guys know i am rarely motivational)
When everything seems dark ,
When everyone seems distant,
When nobody seems to care,
When you feel invisible,
When you're down,
When you tear,
When you need a listening ear,
Pray
because god will listen
for he loves you
----------------------------
Image url
Please note that if you want to take any material orignially created by me like that motivatinal phrase up there
please give me credit. Or legal actions will be taken and i mean legal
Labels: Another day thinking
Thursday, October 16, 2008
For those who don't know me well enough
Style !
I just did the random quiz that jasmine did on her blog!
This is the results
1. Jonathan uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.Jonathan uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.
2. The circumstances when Jonathan does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise.
3. Jonathan will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally.
4. Jonathan is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?"
5. Jonathan tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Jonathan writes tiny all of the time, he will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Jonathan will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. he might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When he is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and his ability to focus is incredible. When he says "he didn't hear you", he really means, he didn't hear you.
6. Jonathan will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Jonathan believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.
7. Jonathan will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!
8. In reference to Jonathan's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Jonathan slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.
9. Jonathan is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Jonathan basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Jonathan can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.
10. Jonathan has a temper. He uses this as a defense mechanism when he doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around him.
11. Jonathan is having some confusion in his physical life. He is examining the past to give him answers about some of his physical desires. He may be trying to find a balance between his philosophical beliefs and his natural physical desires.
12. For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Jonathan has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Jonathan fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Jonathan has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Jonathan just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Jonathan finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.
Wow super long!
Yes now to evaluate the effectiveness
Part 1. Yes now the class understands why i dont communicate much
Part 2. Oh yes so true haha ! The dramarians have seen all those before
Part 3. Now this answers naresh question on why i study alone.
Part 4. Yes! i agree but i still dont understand why those sales promoter keep looking for me! it's really annoying! everytime i walk past pasir ris mrt and tampines mrt the path below the track. those promoters will automatically come to me !! =(
lol nicoles says i look like a easy victim!! haha
Part 5. Makes a lot of sense !
Part 6. AH ha ask wayne !
Part 7. Ask WAY NE again (note the spaces wayne) =D
Part 8. Totally!
Part 9. Yes absolutely ! except i lack the mental strength when it comes to sleeping =(
Part 10. Oh reminded me! SORRY TO THOSE WHO I'VE SHOUT AT!! SORRY !! I WAS EITHER TOO STRESS OR TOO GOD DAMN PISSED!
Part 11. Don't get this part. (skip)
part 12. Oh now this is the on that doesn't make sense ! oh wait maybe it does. unless im at like a super close friends house and than he's folks arent at home. than yes! if not i dont do that !
and they didn't specify! i write left block when it my thoughts, i write clustered when its essay, and notes so how?!
lol but really amazing !
Labels: Random
Monday, October 6, 2008
Warning the post that you are about to see is contaminated with sarcasm. It would be wise if children were kept away from the following post or they may just follow suit.
The sarcasm begins
There was a lovely surprise waiting for me when i got home, not that i didn't expect it.
Yes the first thing i stepped into the house, I got a wonderful gift from that mom of mine.
One known as scolding.
No wonder i always look forward to coming back home.
She started scolding me about why am i coming home so late when i clearly told her about me having night study.
and her next line was
are you sure you've been studying the whole day.
I would have gone " No ma i was out having sex, selling drugs, shoplifting, getting into fights, beating up some old man, stealing a car, committing arson, drank and drove, comitted murder, taking drugs, smoking and vandalising."
If i wasn't such a person who bottles everything up.
Normally the situation suggested above, the wonderful speech from my mom would normally be filled with a caring and worry tone.
SS time
Her tone was of a fraustrated tone and every single word that slip from her mouth was clearly filled with venom intending to inflict maximum and untold damage to the victim.
Her purpose was to clearly vent her anger on whoever who made her angry nd she couldn't vent it properly because i am the only person who she can really scold properly and get away with it.
I have a question for you,
Do you like getting scolded when you just entered the house.
Obviously not
so i argued back with a freaking annoyed and irritated tone.
and guess what my oh so wonderful mum said.
I asked you because i was concern right. If you dont want to talk to me than dont la!
guess what
from the minute i stepped into the house she started firing at me with her wonderful machine gun each bullet exploded in my face with such force that you are rendered helpless.
Her tongue
i was really on the verge of saying this
" when you learn how to properly communicate and not shoot your bloody mouth at me just because you had a fucking bad day than i'll respect you for worrying for me bitch"
Yes burt being the loser me i stormed of into the toilet.
guess i proved wayne right that i was defnitely going to get scolded when i get back home.
It seems that every little thing i do
is magnified one thousand times and shot back at me.
ALL I DID WAS GO TO SCHOOL ATTENDED LESSONS AND STUDIED TILL 9.30 PM AND SHE COMES SCREAMING AT ME WITH NO PARTICULAR GOOD REASON FOR SCREAMING AND TRIES MAULING MY HEAD OFF.
i would like to say to my mom
a wonderful fuck you and good riddance when i start a job and get a place on my own.
and the sarcasm ends
Friday, October 3, 2008
To explain why i'm in a pretty bad mood now
Taken from Impulse By ellen hopkins
Keep going
That's exactly what i tell
myself." Keep going, loser"
I'll never be anything else.
I step on a narrow rock shelf
and it crumbles, making
me scramble for a foothold.
I find one, push up, smash my
knee into a jut of granite.
Way to go faggot. The voice
I hear belongs to my father.
Get hold of yourself. You'll never
make first string like that. Fear
of failure impels me toward
the top, as it pushed me toward
the goal line so many times
before. I don't dare stop .
Don't dare drop the ball. Dont
dare finish second. We only
want what's best for you, so
spare me your whining. Why
can't you be like Cara? She
never loses. Cara is smarter.
Cuter. More talented. Iwill
forever ride in her backseat.
Well, they're fraternal twins, you
see. Now the voice is my mom's.
I want to shut her up bu I
know she wont be silenced.
I reach up for a handhold,
find I'm almost to the top.
And still the home movies
rewind... replay... rewind.
Of corse i'm proud of Conner.
It's just... he's not his sister.
With a bust of energy, I
thrust myself up and over.
Standing here
My entire world far beneath
my feet, i should be filled
with pride. Instead i feel
overwhelmed by a sense of defeat.
Suddenly it comes to me,
toes tempted to test the ledge,
there there is a way out of this.
Calm surety flow through
my veins and as i turn to wave
good-bye, I wonder, if it will
hurt or if a single person
will cry at my fneral.
I take a deep breath, a final
taste of sweet mountain air.
I conjure Leona, Emily.
Move my feet closer. Closer.
There's Grandma One, Grandma
Two and their spouses, waiting
for me. I see Dad. Cara. Mommy.
I screw up my courage, step over...
********************************
I feel like conner.
I see so much of conner's hurt in me
so much of his sadness in me.
so much of him in me
problems
relativly similar
happy endings
pretty bullshit
Contributions from SPACEY!!
Again stacey has poked me to do, another random thing!
Such a pi-ya-no!
I'm in a dark humour mood currently so expect loads of crap from me =)
Q1. The person that tag/pass me this is?
Urgh this is difficult!! who is it ah??
spacey?
stacey?
smacey?
swacey?
snacey?
sdacey?
Oh my so confusing!!
Q2. Your relationship with her is?
My Emo-buddy!
Q3. Your five expression of him/her?
Emo!
Mental
Crazy
Siao
VIOLIN!
Q4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
haha this is funny!
she tried to buy me long john's silvers for dinner because i was complaining i was hungry !! ahaha it was 6.30 pm and she is a freaking sec 1 who needs to go home!! haha i was like omg!!!
Q5. The most memorable thing he/she said to you?
WHAT THE VIOLIN!!! WHAT THE PI-YA-NO!!!
Q6. If he/she become your lover you will?
Become a jerk! i dont 2 time you stupid quiz!
Q7. If he/she becomes your lover, thing he/she need to improve on?
You are a dumb quiz =)
Q8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
whahaha !! scold her what the violin!!! =)
Q9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
we argue over the pretext of when to use What the Violin and What the Pi-Ya-No
Q10. The most desired thing you wanna do for him/her is?
She owes me a meal =)
Q11. Your overall impression on him/her is?
Emo mental spacey!
Q12. How do you think the people around you feel about you?
urgh!
My family doesn't see me
Sometimes i'm a sub around my friends
I know my dramarians loves me!
Mostly
someone who speaks only when he feels like it
Q13. The characters i love myself are?
Zilch
Q14. On the countary, what are the characters you hate about yourself?
Being a bloody average!
Q15. The most ideal person i want to be with is?
R.M.W.L!!!!
Q16. What do you have to say for the people who care,concern and love you?
My family does it when their in a good mood. so practically nothing
my friends are awesome!! so more or less a thanks
Drama club awesomeness! therefore would be don't miss me =)
and yes i would like to say i love you to R.M.W.L
funny thing is i practically say it every single day =)
Q17. Who do you want to pass this quiz to 10 people to know how they think about you?
1) Amirah Drama bestie!!!
2) Wanzhen! Sexy babe!
3) Nicole the Bird!
4) R.M.W.L <3
5) Sherry the MILK!!!!
6) SPACEY!! SMACEY!! SWACEY!! SDACEY!! SNACEY!! (shoot back to you =) )
7) Jasmine!!!
8) Guo Wei the socks rocker !!!
9) Cammie
10) Anson (patricia)
Q18. Who is number 6. having relationship with?
-.- GERARD WAY!! ( i'm sorry i have no choice she'll kill me and feed me to the dogs if i said anyone else)
Q19. Is number 9. a male or a female?
You do realise there's only 2 guys in my list so please calculate the probability yourself =)
Q20. If number 7. and 10. go out together,will it be a good thing?
Oh hell no!! Anson is (self proclaimed) gay! so i don't know what will happen! beside she's older than him!!! falalala!!
Q21. What is number 2. studying about?
Detailed research on a guys Penis
Q22. When is the last time you spoke to number 3.?
Oh my!! last week??!! we're all busy!
Q23. What kind of musc band does number 8. like?
Healing music!! WHAHAHAHAHA !!!
Q24. Does number 1. has any siblings?
oh crap i think so!! i never got to ask!! sorry ami!!!!
Q25. Will you woo number 3.?
Eh she's engaged what's wrong with this quiz!?
Q26. How about number 7.?
eh!! what the hell!!?? this is so crapped up!! she has some guy from big bang!
Q27. Is number 4. single?
NOPE!! SHE'S MINE !!
Q28. What is the surname of number 5.?
MILK!!
Q29. What's the hobby of number 10.?
DRAMA!!!
Q30. Does number 5. and number 9 get along well.
Wha two different countries! i am absolutely amazed by the capacity of ____ from this quiz =)
Q31. Where is number 2. studying at?
AUSTRAILIA!!!! NOOOO!!!!!~~~~~
Q32. Talk something casually about number 1.
She's awesome!!! She and I we undergo american custom!! therefore we exchanged hugs!!!
Q33. Have you tried developing feelings for number 6.?
OH ABSOLUTELY!!!! A VIOLIN FEELING AND ALSO ONE FROM THE PI-YA-NO
Q34. Where does number 9. lives now?
THE BLUE PLANET!
Q35. What colour does number 4. like?
=) she likes red =) see im not a lousy bf lalalala
Q36. Are number 5. and 1. good friends?
Again different country. pokes!
Q37. Is number 7. the sexiest person in the world?
Oh my this is really difficult!! how do you define sexy
WANZHEN IS SEXIER!!!!!
Q38. What is number 6. doing now?
Spacing around
swaying around
staying around
Snaking around
Smacking around
omg i have nothing to put for sdacey!! noooo!!!!!
Labels: Random
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
She grew up
to fast
learning to bottle things inside
learning to not trust anyone
learning to keep her mouth shut
learning to be invisible
suffering in silence
hating
silenced
empty
lost
thinking
because whatever she did was never enough
whatever she wanted to say
was of no value or meaining
She could never stand for what she thought was right
She could not meet the expectations of the one who made her grew up so fast
She could not voice her thoughts
and whatever she did
the goods were brushed aside
the bads were magnified
and she could not do anything
not even mutter
a single swear word
in hearing range of her catalyst
and any blunder she made
was deemed as
laziness
stupid
and many more
never was it an error by accident
it was always her fault
she had enough
she wanted to scream,
but she couldn't
she was still under the rule of her catalyst
she wanted to escape
but she knew
her catalyst will find her
and never forgive her
her catalyst
the words from the catalysts mouth
pierced her heart
so deep
that she couldn't scream f*** me
The catalyst wanted a perfect child
her
but the catalyst knew she failed
and her perfect child was someone
imperfect
Sarah grew up hating
because of the way she was taught to grow up
keeping everything to herself
nothing to others
hating
her siblings were rewarded once or twice
but Sarah
never
she felt like a castaway
a alien
and she wanted to shout
at the catalyst face
but she knew she couldn't
she was silenced
and the catalyst would blame her
for not communicating
when in the first place she was silenced by her
The catalyst found fault in every single thing she did
and evey good thing Sarah did
was swept under the carpet
Sarah lived
from yesterday
everyday to her was a repeat of yesterday
the same old
crap
She needed to voice out her thoughts
but again she was silenced
she never had a say
and she knew it
take 2007 for example
the big event in her life
she objected
but the catalyst went ahead
she knew that there was no point objecting
and now
she suffer the mistakes the catalyst made
take 2005 for example
the event that she knew
the catalyst was running away from her past
she objected
but again
her voice was not heard
she was never respected
she was never treated as someone worth talking to
and she was seen as the child of yesterday
she would never voice her thoughts to the catalyst
because she knew
that the catalyst
was no longer worth trusting
and believing in
she starved herself
so that she can pay the catalyst back
she didn't want to have any relations with the catalyst
but part of her knew
that she needed the catalyst
and the catalyst needed her
she hated the things the catalyst did
but forgave the catalyst
she wondered why did she forgive?
because she guess it was not in her nature to hate for long
but the hatred was building she was sure
she never looked forward to going home anymore
home was just a place
for her to sleep
home was just a place
like a hotel
except it was not a classy
and of cause there was always the catalyst
home was just a place where her troubles never flew away
what is home?
she never really knew
home was just to her, another
mistake
Labels: Another day thinking
courtesy of spacey !
i have been tagged
by spacey
smacey
swacey
snacey
stacey
to do this random thing
#1where would you go if someone sponsors you an airticket?
Paris!, Perth!, London! Italy! France! Greece!!!!!!
#2 what's your favourite things to do?
Talking
Not talking
Reading
#3 Do you think money can buy happiness?
Is there happiness on earth?
#4 If you were given a chance to receive something, what would it be?
The Used All that i've got T-shirt, the version with the Half tree ! ORIGINAL!! (not those cheap rip off or imitation)
#5 Things/People you can't live without?
Things:
Computer
Phone
Mp3
My house key
My house
People:
Drama 101
Super close friends
R.M.W.L
damn i didn't want to say this but i have no choice =( -family
#6 Who are you afraid to lose? (i changed the question from what to who)
My great Dad =(
Grandma
Mom
R.M.W.L
Bro
Super close friends
Drama 101
#7 If you win $1 million dollars, what would you do?
Immigrate !
(wayne would say that this questin is a 'standard 10 year series question' )
#8 What do you dream of in the future?
I dream that the world would be a better place
oh but yes
the word there is dream
so i'm certain it won't come true
#9 List down 3 good points about the person who gave you this survey .
ew!! spacey ah!!
urm
mental
someone i can talk to because we are relatively the same ( not referring to gender you jerks)
and err Crazy
#10 What makes you happy?
R.M.W.L
and refer to question #1 oh i am obliged to not tell the rest =)
#11 What type of person do you hate the most?
Insensitive
#12 If you have a super power what would it be?
Fly with wings which can be hidden from view combined with the power of half fire half ice =)
Mr Infinitum!
#13 Would you go for happiness or money?
urgh ! this random thing keeps repeating questions!
like i said if there is happiness in the world than i would go for happiness.
If not money
#14 Who do you think is the most important people in your life?
again repeated
BFFs
R.M.W.L
Drama 101
urgh! family
#15 If you have a boyfriend would you die for him?
OH HELL NO !!! I AM STRAIGHT !! STRAIGHT!!! LIKE MY CHINESE NAME SUGGESTS!!
I AM A LINE !! STRAIGHT!!
#16 Who's the last person who hugged you?
AMIRAH!!!!
my drama bestie! someone who aint untouchable like those girls you see in sg =)
#17 What is the one thing you want to do badly right now?
Meet R.M.W.L
Sheesh she's such a drug!
#18 Who are you close to?
wow !! repeated !! and it actually asked who!!! wow !!!
#19 Are you courageous enough to the person you like her/him?
i guess so ! unless R.M.W.L goes all whiney ! than i'll melt
#20 If you could do one thing over again what would it be?
Go back to when i was before pri 5 and live again with dad!
7 things that scare you:
R.M.W.L turned evil
getting AMNESIA permanently!
gigantic bugs
Nightmares (thats why they're called nightmares)
Random stuff
Wayne doing stupid stuff like scaring me when i come out from the toilet
Not being able to sleep
7 things that you like the most:
R.M.W.L (she is not a thing!)
wait!! isn't this repeated?!! screw this random thing
7 important things in my room:
Alas not repeated!
My bed
telephone
Mobile/Hand phone
computer
My posters!
My old toys!
and a wonderful Marooned box that no one ever saw =)
7 random facts about me:
Random
Random
Random
Random
Random
Random
Random
7 things i plan to do before i die:
Get my freaking book published
Celebrate my 100++ birthday!! =D
Make sure i dont make the same mistakes my parents did in raising me
Be remembered as a great friend
Make a significant impact on someone's life
Make the world a better place
Make sure i dont get a lousy job because im from a lousy school
7 things i can't do:
Write with my right hand
Handle too much stress ( SCREW YOU EDUCATION!)
Stop biting my nails (stupid habit!)
Drive a car ! haha
Not watching any other movies that are rated NC 16 and above !! haha
Lifting a 500kg car
Fly with wings =(
7 things you are attracted in the opposite sex:
I have a girlfriend =)
7 things i always say:
What the violin!!! haha!! (inside joke with spacey!)
We have became what we fear most
We have been silenced
Omhg
WtF
Omg
Ok
7 people to do this questionnaire:
Ali
Tom
Ken
Paul
Sam
Sally
Kelly
( i know none of them =D )
Labels: Random
