Saturday, September 6, 2008
There is so much more to the soul than what you will ever be able to see
There is so much more to the soul
than what you will ever be able
to see
or hear
or feel
It is the secrets that we keep
that make us the monsters
that person in the mirror
the one you thought you knew
Thoughts were the building blocks of everything you know
the government were formed because of this word thoughts
the world was formed because of this word thoughts
the telephone, the computer and you
were made because of this word
thoughs
but why are thoughts now
worth nothing but a penny?
why is no one paying heed to what is going on
in ones mind
they chose to focus on those things
that were not deem to be important
if thoughts shaped the world
why is it worth only a penny?
have thoughts been disregarded?
or have we,
in fear of ourself
make our thoughts
something worthless
so as not to take heed
of the thoughts you thought
we all live in fear,
fear of
death
darkness
insects
punishment
disasters
unexplainable events
but what we fear most
is that person
in the mirror
the person you thought not to exist
but carries on living inside you
your body, a host
your soul shared
it is this person that we fear
that makes us go to extremes
we live in doubt
doubt of ourselves
our capabilities
our abilities
our purpose
our existence
we live in doubt
doubt of the people around you
those you thought to belive in
the materials in the world
the people you don't know
so we hide ourselves from who we really are
so that society will not condemn
because of this doubt
but isn't a doubt, still a thought?
doesn't everything begins with a thought?
Why is it, nobody can read anymore
nobody can see
the suffering
the hurt
the homeless
those in denial
why is it we have lost the ability to read
to read the people around you
and to feel what they are going through
the thoughts in their minds
we no longer read
we no longer listen
and we no long feel
have we become dead?
or are we who we fear most?
the thoughts
the thoughts
the thoughts
the countless thoughts
the deepest thoughts
the vast thoughts
the thoughts
the thoughts
the thoughs
-we no longer read
we no longer listen
and finally
we no longer
feel-
Labels: another day thinking deeper into my thoughts
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Have you ever thought about dying?
Have you ever thought about dying?
have you ever imagined yourself dead?
I know its a bit too early
but the thought just came to me
For I certainly have.
For me, its not about the pain,
for me, its the loss or memories.
I dont want to loose my memories, they are too precious.
just imagine, dying
and you know you died, you're in a better place
but you loose all your memories.
All the memories you held so dear
all the memories that made you remember the loved ones around you
all the memories of the people you truely loved
and they all just get washed away, wiped away
CLEAN
You loose your memories,
not knowing who you are,
who you loved,
only knowing that you're dead
not emotionally
but physically and mentally
thats what frightens me about death
i dont want to loose my memories
the thoughts that i have
loosing my memories
feeling helpless
not knowing what to do
again amnesia is as bad as death
you loose your memories
but at least there are people around to tell you
make you remember
who you are
who they are
but when you die
all your memories gone
no one there to help you
your existence erased from the face of the earth
nobody remembers
nobody to remember
just like that
you loose you concious self
like you went to sleep
except longer
a dreamless sleep
a sleep that is forever
I dont want to loose my memories
the people i hold dearly
I know its too early
but everyday
there will be people dying
and some of them are really young
isn't it time
we give thanks?
for living for a good long 16 years and maybe with more to come
Dying,
loosing your memories
loosing the existence
people forgetting
you forgetting
those people we've lost
they continue living in your memories
but what if
what if you died
and you lost your memories
i'm afraid, i wont remember the people whom i lost
i dont want to loose them
its a reality i must face
that i know
but i want to remain in denial
until that day comes
and if i were to die,
i want to die with my memories
my memories will continue living inside me
and that it wont be erased
but is that possible
I don't want to loose my memories
it's as if i lost a lot
because the people i lost
thhey continued living
in my memories
Labels: another day thinking deeper into my thoughts
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Your's emoness
Yes tomorrow would be prelims.
and i feel extremely pressurised.
Why does everyone think i'm smart???
when i know i cleary am not !
Tons of people are expecting me to get A1's and its not only coming from my parents
its coming from like everywhere i go.
Oh well anyway on a brighter note, i have realised that those people
who post a lot a lot of photos of themselves on their blogs gets tons of hits!
its like people only want to know about the outer beauty and not the inner one.
Oh well so considering the hits they get, i therefore shall follow suit
Recently, i went to some rock concert. So backstage, i took a picture of the lead singer. Dont get jealous people, i got his autograph too =)
(its damn obvious that, THAT is me)
(yes britney type hair thing)
And yes this lead singer is one of the latest and hit groups that has ever come to town! Their songs have top the charts of Timbaktoo top hits list, songs like, THE ALPHABET SONG, THE NUMBERS SONG, THE PLANET SONG, THE DAY SONG, THE YEAR SONG and of course THE BARNEY SONG!
Yes so this is another photo of the pop singer person type thing.
and now for the ultimate picture of this person the most ultimate one that made briana laugh her ass off.
WELCOME TO GOTH MAKEOVER!!
(yes i know i look hot in eyeliner)
haha.
This is why i love drama! We get to do whacky stuff and get away with it, without people commenting like
person 1: EH YOU SIAO SI BO (eh you crazy is it)!!!
person 2: #%@#*%! YOU THINK EMO COOL AH!!
person 3: I SEE YOUR FACE I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING
person 4: I'm so much hotter la~~
person 5: SI GIN NA LE SI LIAO (damn kid you die already)!!
yes this is the weird people we face.
Oh well without that hair , On with the eyeliner and if i was wearing white,
people have said that i would look like this
I know its such an insult that someone as fugly as me will end up looking like that guy over there which girls have said to go "oooooo" "ahhh SO CUTE" "AHHH SO KAWAII!!"
yes the amount of weirdness we go through and yet no one seems to realise the weirdness we go through.
I will not camwhore unless its some whacky picture like the one above (rachel is going to kill me for using the word camwhore) yes camwhoring is so not fun unless you have some thing weird on you =) oh yea no offense to those people whom i just randomly thought out. if you are in one of the above categories please feel free to ignore my post and also treat it as a no offense type thing.
-sadly, people only want the outer beauty of people but not any of the true beauty that lies within
Labels: another day thinking deeper into my thoughts
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
N2 art work revamped !
currently in school now
well yesterday during mother tongue,
well mother tongue after the O's is like a waste of time,
wayne and i was bloody bored so we did something creative !!
So a Nursery 2 art work was revived. (guess what i scored 72/100 for this piece of work) how humiliating.
we did something pretty amazing.
well i'll post the photo later when im at home. the photo is not with me now .
i'll post a short post about my thoughts than
It is here, where i realise
that everything is not cut out to be whatever it seems
because everything around is nothing but pack of lies
and not matter how much contribution you make
it all boils down to whether they recognize you exist
because i have seen the system in a school like mine
and frankly, i'm certain it can be better
the chaos which i saw
was unimaginable,
underserving of it, deserving of it
all these people, they got the same results,
which degrades the better ones
and they would have lost their self worth
because they realise the time they wasted
the time in which they can spent on more productive stuff
is wasted
purely wasted when people around you gets the same result.
in which they never did do much
and what about those people
who are hypocrites
who thought their marking criteria are the same
who thought that they are better because they got a better result
when we purely know the different marking criteria and obviously which one is stricter
and yet we get crictisised because they got better
we know the difference
we know which group gets better grades
because the marking scheme is not strict
not stringent
and it is the tricks in which won them that underserving and unneeded
award
floaty head
we have done more
but we are not recognised
they have done less
they are recognised
evidence is lying everywhere
but it is those on top
who refuse to believe in the evidence
which results in those below
having their future ruined
because what those on top believe
is that everybody deserve a good future
but it is because of this
they made an irony
where the same results result in a future of demise
it is because of this we know
there's no point in doing all these anymore
we know we should have spent on time on better things
because we know that those above
turn their noses
in front of evidence
to make the organisation their in
Rise
which makes them fal l harder
we have agreeed we wasted out time in this organisation
because we know whatever we contributed
was all in vain
it is what we did that was not recognised
it is what they did not do
that they didn't see
.
it is the difference in the strictness and the marking scheme
it is those who are got the results
that they deem themselves as god
but they do not know
the difference in the level
they are in and we are in
.
it is in this organisation where we loose all our hopes
because we know we will never
be recognised
because we are nothing but
anchovies in their eyes
Labels: another day thinking deeper into my thoughts
Monday, July 28, 2008
I have repeatedly repeated this point like ga jillion times, I AM NOT A SUBSTITUTE. it still seems to me that nobody gets this point.
gah
well basically, it means if you dont have anybody else to go out with and that there is still the guy next door, i'd rather you don't call on him. because what you will be doing is
- drag the poor guy out,
- if you see someone you know joys and joys of laughter
- you leave the poor guy alone and continue talking to the rest
- use him as a last resort for fun
its uber-irritating.
sigh anyway at least i know my friends care. even though what they did actually pissed me two-folds.
well basically they returned the movie dough back to me.
its like i went for the movie i'm paying why are you guys taking out 2 extra bucks each just for me
that is damn unfair
and it does not call for me feeling better either
guess im still right that nobody thinks like me
the reason i was pissed wasn't because of the money
its the principle that went wrong, THE PRINCIPLE and not the money.
why should i give a hoot for money?
when the world can be simplified if the government were to print moeny everyday and distribute it to the people so that they have at least a minimum standard of living.
yes its the principle that went wrong,
that day was screwed up because of the principle and not the money
and note i sort of figured out what you guys were going to do
clues provided
1. the group discussing obviously about the money
2. jordan passing the money to briana and jasmine
3. briana and jasmine taking another way back to class
that kind of like fit the entire picture into place in my head i was like
"god damn it its about the principle la. its not like i dont know you guys are going to stuff the money on my table or under the stack of papers on my table"
4. jasmine and briana hurrying wei xin to open the door faster
now the moving my bag part was a rouse to confirm my deduction and yes there i saw the proof.
sigh its about the principle.
not the money i dont need the money, money is only used when you need it and not when you want it.
and yes that day i felt like crap even though it was supposedly meant for celebration but
because i felt like a substitute that day
it isn't the first time something like that happened
i was getting sick and tired of people not having a say
and loads more
its extremely irritating.
and well partially it is my fault because i was the last to meet them. tree-top climbing took too long.
oh one more thing i got fine brithday presents. the bag is swell thanks.
but actually what i would really like was some words, like nicole's and ting wei's mug and note book where a small space of nonsense was scribbled on=) and amirah's awesome post. gah i love her !
this is actually the very first time i got angry for 3 whole days. my saturday, sunday and monday was complete trash well until drama that is.
ahh i love drama peeps their the friends you know that are not superficial.
it was never about the money, it is always about
THE PRINCIPLE
Labels: another day thinking deeper into my thoughts
